Now that Fourth of July weekend is behind us the summer is in full swing. Your interns are finally getting settled in.In fact, they’ve probably adjusted to the good natured hazing they’ve experienced on the trading desk—like testing their resourcefulness by asking them to bring you a root beer float.
Perhaps the time is right to sit them down for a little heart-to-heart chat about the perils and opportunities that lie ahead of them.
With a little time and effort, you can be their Virgil in Wall Street’s underworld: The Internship.
Click here to see what every Wall Street intern should know >
This post originally appeared at CNBC.com.
We all know it because we've all done it. Asking strangers for money on the phone is probably the worst thing you'll do in your career, but it builds tenacity and forces you to develop an enormous tolerance for rejection.
If you're perceptive, cold calling will teach you the one sacred truth you need to succeed in this world: Life is a straight-up numbers game, baby.
Lots of people on Wall Street have enormous egos. When they talk to you, an intern, they don't actually expect you to speak to them in return. You just need to listen and nod attentively--like you're hearing the great riddles of the universe solved for your benefit. This may sound demeaning but it isn't. Not having to talk much or commit to anything is one of the biggest benefits of your internship.
Never make eye contact with anyone on the street carrying a clipboard. Even if you come from one of the really polite sections of the country, like the South, you'll eventually adjust to it.
Just stare at the sidewalk when you walk by anyone who looks like they may be conducting a survey or collecting signatures. (Note: You'll know when you've gotten it right when you're walking to Penn Station and you get ignored by the guys handing out discounted tickets to the Empire State Building: With enough practice, they'll know you're not a tourist from a hundred yards away.)
Drinking with your managing director on a Thursday night will only create a false sense of intimacy and equality: Your MD will feel compelled to overcompensate for drunkenly telling you about his fraternity days by icily shunning you on Friday morning.
People do judge you by where you went to college. (Paradoxically, this is especially true of people who are a little ashamed about where they went to school. Those who attended elite liberal arts colleges typically harbor no illusions about the practical value of their education.)
Circulating a 'comical' email that makes fun of your coworkers as an homage to Bess will get you fired nearly as fast as showing up to the office drunk.
(For example, don't do this.)
When Carney takes an outrageously contrarian position , he's got a file cabinet full of GAO statistics and case law citations to support his argument. When you take the same heterodox position, you'll sound hopelessly uninformed--or just plain unhinged.
Old people may not read your Tweets--but if you say anything scandalous the social networking rumour mill will deliver the news to your boss almost as fast as Wi-Fi. (Seriously, I think Julia La Roche is Facebook friends with every third intern on Wall Street: She's so plugged in it's scary.)
As hard as this may be to believe, people are actually being nice to you. When you return as a first-year associate--and they're paying you real money--it will be a different story because then they'll own your soul.