10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

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Welcome back.

1. The crash stopped crashing and US and globals stocks rebounded. We’re back to the good old days of strong S&P gains giving Euro markets a boost, and the US dollar weakening. Even the ASX is looking at a positive day, and the Aussie found support across the board. In data, we’ll get the NAB’s monthly business survey for January at 11:30am AEDT.

2. Here’s something interesting about bitcoin. No, really, stay with us. JPMorgan, famous for not having the first clue about bitcoin, is now making resistance calls. This from their technicals analysts:


It’s why they’re saying BTC is in danger of getting cut in half to $US4,605 OR banging on up to $US16,304. The believers are still in force though. When one lingerie tycoon planned 1300 luxury flats in Dubai, she allocated 50 to be bought in bitcoin. “We’ve sold out,” she said. “One individual bought ten.”

3. Australia has a deputy leader who is about to have a baby with his former staffer, who he got pregnant while still married to his wife of 24 years. How long would a US vice-president last under those conditions? Barnaby Joyce will be making a statement today. It’s unlikely to be about pinching a woman’s bum while drunk seven years ago – although you wouldn’t bet on that in 2018.

4. We’re on the board. Our world No. 3 skier Matt Graham won silver in the moguls overnight, just pipped by Sochi gold medalist Mikael Kingsbury on his final run. Even Denmark hasn’t got a medal yet. Norway is top of the leaderboard, ahead of Canada, Germany and The Netherlands. But everyone’s still talking about curling. Well, about Russian curler Angelina Jolie Anastasia Bryzgalova:

And while we’re on not caring about actually sporting talent whatsoever, here’s the awkward move two Canadian champions cut from their skating routine because it was “too porno”.

5. Trump will spend $US1.5 trillion making America great again. But it relies on local governments snapping up his incentives in order for 80% of that funding to actually be turned into roads, bridges, tunnels and more. And the US President is trying to make good his promise to cut red tape in order to get it done within his current term. It’s the same promise he made in 1986, when he got sick of waiting for New York City to upgrade Ivanka’s favourite outdoor ice skating rink. So he took the project over and delivered it in a tenth of the time, for a quarter of the price.

6. And it looks like the US will talk to Kim Jong Un’s government without making it promise not to conduct any more nuclear tests. That mild thaw in the relationship came as North Korea earlier extended an invitation to South Korean President Moon Jae-in to be the first head of state to meet Kim Jong Un. Although South Korea didn’t exactly accept with any enthusiasm. And here’s the reminder everyone needed that Kim Jong Un’s sister, who appeared at the Winter Olympics, is still head of a campaign that has executed and imprisoned hundreds of thousands of North Koreans.

7. China plans to launch drone ships in the South China Sea. For their taxpayers’ sake, let’s hope they test them properly first. It’s been reported the Chengdu J-20 stealth jet has officially entered into service as a combat-ready platform, but because the new engines were rubbish, the first round of fighters are pootling around on old engines which make a mockery of any “fifth-generation” claims. Meanwhile, here’s what it’s like to be inside the A-10C Warthog listening to appalling rock while it fires its brrrrrrrt gun:

8. A&E’s doco “Undercover High” is essential viewing for parents with kids in high school right now. It’s definitely been an eye-opener for the seven adults aged 21 to 26 who posed as kids to get an idea of what real kids are going through. Here are the seven things they learned about how much school life for teenagers today has changed – for the worse.

9. The sequel to “Alto’s Adventure” will be out in 10 days. Your kids will know why that’s a date in mobile gaming to actually look forward to. Here’s why they’re rightly excited.

10. Britain is about three months away from getting the drunkest it’s ever been. Harry and Meegs have just released the itinerary for their wedding on Saturday, May 19. It will be live in Australia at 9pm AEST. But back in the UK, the important thing to note is it will all wrap up just in time for the FA Cup final to follow.

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