10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Picture: Funny or Die

Good morning.

1. The bears are in. The ASX 200 tipped into a bear market yesterday when the index recorded more than 20% of losses from its high of 5996.9 on March 3 last year, crashing through the key 4800 point level for the first time since July 2013. The market is now down 9.8% since the start of 2016.

It’s not likely to get any better today, sorry. ASX futures are up just 20 points with the March SPI 200 at 4,730, and oil keeps plunging. Greg McKenna’s pinning his hopes on the recovery in global banking.

2. Tech stocks. It’s a big day for them, with Twitter and Tesla earnings out. And while shares in both have plummted in the past year, one of them at least looks like it has a future.

3. That sinking feeling when your car is swallowed by a sinkhole. Fortunately for this couple and their daughter in Peru, it didn’t open up to the middle of Earth, and some very brave people put their lives on the line to pull them out:

4. Everyone loves a Chinese fake. Except when it’s real, and you’re a prominent politician, and it all looks a bit too much like a bribe. Which is exactly the case former PM Tony Abbott was faced with after he and two of his party colleagues accepted “Rolexes” in plastic bags from a Chinese billionaire visiting Australia in 2013. Their excuse was they thought they were fake – until someone with a real Rolex complimented them on their $40K wristpiece. Awkwardness ensued.

5. Here’s another Chinese fake – Goldman Sachs. There is actually a Goldman Sachs (Shenzhen) Financial Leasing Co operating in Shenzhen, which the real GS says it has no ties to. AFP checked it out and a woman who answered the company’s listed phone number told them: “We just picked the name out, and it’s not intentionally the same.” You’ll get that and 11 other amazing facts about the Chinese economy here.

6. Superbosses. There’s a book out about them, called “Superbosses”, and in it, there’s a great story about how Oracle cofounder and former CEO Larry Ellison identified incredibly smart employees. Oracle recruiters were told to ask college graduates this oh-so-loaded question:

“Are you the smartest person you know?”

If the candidate answered “yes”, they’d get hired. But if they answered “no”, this would be the next question they’d have to answer, and what happened after that is actually pretty funny.

7. Lost on Mars looks something like this:

If you haven’t figured it out yet, that’s a 360-degree view from Curiosity in the middle of Gale Crater which NASA has just released. Go on, grab and scope around a little, but select the hi-def option in the lower right first.

8. Lonely men, you’ve got three days to get a Valentine’s date. But don’t panic, because we’ve asked Science to help you step up your game, and it’s come through for us. Here are 14 ironclad truths about the qualities women will find most attractive in you. Yes, you! Now get cracking.

9. You could watch these 40 Oscar-nominated films right now on one of several streaming services. Or you could go straight to Funny or Die and watch the epic, hour-long spoof starring Johnny Depp as Donald Trump in the mockumentary of his book “The Art of the Deal”. This is what people who talk about the internet a lot mean when they say “Content is King”.

10. There’s a big protest on March 19 against Sydney’s First World problems lockout laws. But before you run out to get a selfie and a trending hashtag on your tweet, think about why this Senior Australian of the Year reckons the lockout laws have made the city profoundly better. It’s not because he’s old; it’s because he’s emergency department hero Gordion Fulde, who, after 30 years of treating bleeding, bashed, dying, drunk and delirious citizens, is pretty darn happy with the 25% dropoff in Friday and Saturday night admittances.

BONUS ITEM: Don’t pretend you’ve never wanted to play Mario Kart IRL:

Have a great day.

Business Insider Emails & Alerts

Site highlights each day to your inbox.

Business Insider Emails & Alerts

Site highlights each day to your inbox.

Follow Business Insider Australia on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.