10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Bears. Picture: 20th Century Fox

Good morning.

1. At the risk of repeating ourselves, it was a terrible night for stocks. Oil is a goner, and here are five charts to prove it. The S&P 500 was down 2.17% and uber bear Albert Edwards reckons you can wipe another 75% off that in the pending collapse. So that would take it to 550, well below the GFC low of 666. Coincidentally, 75% is the exact same number the “Sell Everything” guy gives for the chance of an “imminent recession”. Not surprisingly, ASX SPI 200 futures suggest the Australian stock market will open down near 4,900 after closing at 4,987.

2. Jobs! Data is out at 11.30am and is always good for a laugh every month. Here’s the best explanation NAB can give for why it’s so unreliable. And here’s your 10-second guide to today’s drop for those poor traders forced to work with it as Australia’s most important monthly release.

3. This is what your phone looks like when you’ve got eight million Instagram followers and you turn on notifications:

The likes just don’t stop for Dutch soccer player Demy de Zeeuw, who runs the incredibly popular Instagram account 433.

4. This is what your hair looks like when you’ve been President of the US for eight years:

That’s a comparion of Barack Obama’s first State of the Union address in 2009, and his last, this past Tuesday. He’s pretty cool about the greys though.

5. At 2pm today, an Aussie could steal $2.1 billion right out from under the nose of millions of US citizens watching Powerball jackpot astronomically in the past few weeks. If you can actually get onto Lottoland’s website, that is, because it’s crashed several times since being given the green light yesterday to operate in Australia. Lottoland’s all-clear means Aussies can gamble in overseas lotto markets, and they’re lining up for the biggest of them all, drawn at 2pm today. Here’s the 10 dumbest things you can do with the cash if you win it.

6. Marvel’s taking a punt, too. It’s next superhero movie off the assembly line is “Deadpool”, out February 12. And it just got an R rating, because Deadpool is pretty much the coolest player in Marvel’s enormous pack, pulling off very R-rated moves like this. He’s also funny, which is important:

Yep, it’s not a Disney movie, which have never edged past a PG-13. That’s because “Deadpool” has been in development with 20th Century Fox for 10 years, before Disney bought Marvel.

7. Microsoft threw a wild party for its break-up at CES 2016. It started at Omnia nightclub at 10pm, where 3500 packed in to watch DJ Steve Aoki throw cakes in fans’ faces, Stormtroopers hitting the dancefloor and wild pyrotechnics. We’ve got the pics.

8. Many women joke and say that a Birkin bag is an “investment purchase”. Haha – oh wait. It actually is, according to a study from Baghunter that states that over the past 35 years, Birkin bags have increased in value over 500%. Baghunter says that the handbag increases in value on average 14.2% every year. Historically, that’s a better bet than the stock market.

9. My boy. The Strikers needed four runs off the last ball to beat the Hurricanes in last night’s T20 match. Then this bloke stepped up for his first ball ever in T20:

That’ll do, Jake Lehmann. And yes, it is the son of Darren, Australian coach and bloke legend:

10. Kate Hudson’s killer abs stole the show at the Golden Globes. She says it’s all due to her alkaline diet, which she follows because bad food builds up acid in her body and that’s bad. That’s also bollocks. Kidneys are awesome at regulating acid in your body no matter what you eat, otherwise you’d die. But there’s real reason an alkaline diet might give you abs of steel.

Have a great day.

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