10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Anything to avoid pineapples being pushed.

Good morning.

1. First, to markets. Last night, it was US Fed governor Lael Brainard’s turn to mess with the hearts and minds of traders by lowering expectations of a September hike. That saw US stocks rally sharply and has the SPI 200 up 79 points, suggesting a good day for local traders after yesterday’s tumble. The Aussie dollar found support again but iron ore futures are still sliding. Today’s big data event is the business confidence report – here’s what you need to know.

2. Donald Trump, surprisingly, didn’t feel the need to stoke the fire around Hillary Clinton’s health concerns yesterday. He instead wished Clinton a speedy recovery. He did, however, make sure there was no doubt Clinton spoke with “hatred and derision” when she recently said “half” of Trump’s supporters fit into a “basket of deplorables”.

3. You’re most likely an Aussie, and as such, you’re unlikely to remember what a pay rise is. But in some countries, it still happens. And this study suggests what you might have been doing wrong all along – taking less holidays. Apparently, people who take less than 10 days off have a 36.4% chance of getting a raise and those who take more than 10 days have a 65.4% chance of a raise. Get in.

4. Remember that time in July when Fireman Sam trod on the Koran?

Ofcom, the British media regulator, has decided against investigating the HIT Entertainment brand, saying the contents of the page “could not have been deciphered, nor recognised as being from a given text”. Except Miqdaad Versi, the assistant secretary general of the Muslim Council of Britain, recognised it as being from a given text:

5. We spoke to John McAfee and he didn’t disappoint. The security guru was back in the headlines in May when shares in his new company, MGT Capital, went wild. It’s made virtually no money but McAfee told us that will all change next year, and has made an intriguing acquisition, Demonsaw. It’s the creation of well-known hacker Eijah, who also led the AI team behind Grand Theft Auto V. And McAfee said together, they are creating a system that “will make the cloud completely obsolete”.

6. Samsung now says it’s too dangerous to even turn on your Galaxy Note 7.

7. Whose is bigger? Well, NASA’s Saturn V is longer than all of them, and right now Elon Musk’s Falcons are far more intimidating than Jeff Bezos’ New Shephard. But Bezos sent out an email today showing how his new Blue Origin bird will have more thrust than all of them:

Blue origin orbital rocket plans
Introducing New Glenn: Reusable, vertical-landing booster, 3.85 million pounds thrust Blue Origin

The New Glenn, Bezos says, is a very important step in realising Blue Origin’s vision of “millions of people living and working in space”. And because there’s been the odd explosion in the private space race recently, New Shepard now has an escape system.

8. One day, they might get to the star KIC 8462852 and sort out once and for all whether aliens are trying to send us a signal. Or make it to EPIC 204278916, where something even stranger is going on.

9. Today in dangerous food. A cornerstone of nutrition in the 20th century states that fat and cholesterol are the biggest dangers to our health. One of the papers leading that charge was published in 1967. And new research has just discovered who paid for it – the Sugar Research Foundation. And if you’ve dropped your pie after reading that, walk away. Science says germs are faster than the 5-second rule.

(It’s 10 seconds in our house, not changing.)

10. The most successful cartoonist on the planet, Matt Groening, will make a rare public appearance for some festival thing at the Sydney Opera House and talk about stuff. But buy tickets and you’ll get to see uncensored Itchy & Scratchy cartoons. And if you can’t wait until Nov 4 for some yuks, here are all of Stephen Colbert’s best political takedowns in one video.

BONUS ITEM: Headline of the day:

Picture: BBC/Metro UK

And no, we’re not going to embed “Agadoo” in this family-friendly post. But if you really feel like ruining your own day, watch it here.