10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Channel Nine reporter Alex Bernhardt has a classic Bullant Face. Picture: Channel Nine

Get comfy – it’s going to be a long day.

1. China surprised everyone by devaluing its currency yesterday. In the mad shuffle that followed overnight, stocks were sold heavily, commodities came under pressure, bonds rallied and the Aussie dollar was the worst performing currency of a bunch that crumbled. So, yeah, an important day’s trade in Asia today. Futures are already pointing lower on the ASX, where the the market was already under acute pressure after yesterday’s 0.65% fall.

2. The Commonwealth Bank was the only major not to fall yesterday, but that’s likely to change today when it will reportedly go cap in hand to shareholders for a $5 billion loan so it can meet APRA’s stricter capital rules… while announcing it set a new benchmark for full-year earnings, raking in a $9.1 billion profit.

3. Or, if that didn’t make you swear enough, $1 million profit each and every hour.

4. It’s also a huge day in data. Wages and Westpac Consumer Sentiment are out in Australia. But all eyes are going to be on China’s release of retail sales for July, along with industrial production and urban development.

5. So where are we all on same-sex marriage? The Liberal and National parties spent six hours debating the issue last night and decided that in their view, marriage should exclusively be between a man and a woman “in the current term of government”. That clears the way for a conscience vote at the end of 2016 that would amend the Marriage Act. And the important bit about that is, PM Tony Abbott said in the next parliament, no Coalition MP would be bound to vote in line with the party leadership.

6. “Certified platinum” is rapidly becoming one of those terms that makes kids these days go “Huh?” It’s August, and 2015 has only just got its first 1 million selling album, which is the latest effort from Canadian rapper Drake, released back in February. That’s great news for the former Degrassi Junior High kid, but even a couple of years ago, many artists were selling a million albums a year. If you guessed streaming was to blame, you’re correct.

7. The best game-tying goal on a flying backheel you’ll see this year:

And the best bits? It was scored in the 95th minute by Martin Hansen for ADO Den Haag in the Dutch Eredivisie. And yes, Hansen is ADO’s goalie.

8. Today’s not news – your wage is barely growing. The annual rate fell to just 2.29% in the three months to March. The ABS today releases its wage price index for the June quarter, and given the annual rate fell in the three months to March to its lowest level in the 18-year history of the survey, don’t expect a pay rise any time soon.

9. Cheer up, here’s some goats in a tree:

They’re just one of the 20 stars in this gorgeous slideshow of amazing natural phenomena that prove there’s more to life than looking glumly at the bottom line on your pay slip.

10. The bars on your iPhone actually represent a signal range, not an exact signal, which explains those moments when you’re always telling the person on the other end “but it says I have a signal”. Here’s how to change it to the exact signal you’re receiving at the moment.

BONUS ITEM: Channel Nine reporter Alex Bernhardt got bitten by a f..king bullant, exhaled like a boss and then ducked off for a bit of a cry.

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