10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Call the cleaner. Picture: Getty Images

Good morning.

1. It’s raining again in Launceston, heavily, and has been since around midnight. That won’t affect the water thundering down through the Cataract Gorge and into the city’s Tamar River basin, but it will compound a miserable night for residents contemplating today’s big clean-up. It’s been a crazy couple of days, and the drone pilots have enjoyed an early Christmas:

The floodgates in the middle of the city have been taken down, but at least one major bridge is still closed to assess whether it’s under stress. We’ve got a collection of some of the one-in-100-year images here and will try to get you some more of those freaky spider pics today.

2. To markets, where stocks, crude and the Aussie dollar continued to defy the bears overnight. ( The dollar hit 75 cents.)The Dow ground back over 18,000 and the S&P made another new 2016 high close of 2119, so the ASX200 has a real shot at 5400 today. The SPI 200 June contract is only up 9 points this morning but local stocks showed excellent resistance to strong selling conditions yesterday. Datawise, there’s only China’s consumer and producer price inflation figures for May, so no excuses. But so you don’t get comfortable, here’s a chart of all the crashes in the past 60 years.

3. The Reserve Bank of New Zealand has left interest rates unchanged at 2.25% thus morning. But the easing bias remained.

4. The one thing worse than being caught by your boss watching Netflix:

Luckily, this Virgin Australia staff member’s boss has a sense of humour. And he followed up being caught by doing the most Australian thing and going back to sleep.

5. Here’s something that’s definitely not Australian. This hilarious attempt at an Australian accent by an actor hired by US lobby group, the Property Rights Alliance, which has an issue with Australia‚Äôs cigarette plain packaging laws:

6. Oh, Russia. Now it’s trying to sneak its diesel-powered, Kilo-class submarines into the English Channel. Where it was headed is anybody’s guess, but the Royal Navy’s HMS Kent intercepted the Stary Oskol making a beeline for the Channel. US Navy Vice Admiral James Foggo III says the uptick in Russian submarine activity looks like the beginning of a “fourth battle of the Atlantic”.

7. Scientists aren’t saying using pot regularly shrinks your brain and makes you dumb. They are saying, however, that regular pot users have smaller brains and lower IQs. But before you start blaming statements like that on The Man, this is a groundbreaking study.

8. Bad Grandpa:

Actually Oscar winner J.K. Simmons prepping for his role as Commissioner Gordon in the next Zack Snyder trainwreck big D.C. Comics movie, “Justice League”. He’s 61.

9. Do your friends say you’re a tighta..e? Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe you’re just “frugal”. Here are eight ways cheap people and frugal people think differently, and one thing they share.

10. Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is so sure his ride-sharing revolution will take over the world, he’s let his licence lapse, and hasn’t bothered to fix his broken down car. Good for him. He’s also turning up to major conferences riding in the back of a ridiculous topless yellow jalopy, so we’ll keep our licence and our dignity for now, thanks.

BONUS ITEM: You don’t need to watch this. Just order a Hydro Hammock.

Oh okay then:

Have a great day.

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