10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

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That’s a keeper. Picture: New Line Cinema

Good morning.

1. After yesterday’s 74 point fall on the ASX200, September SPI futures rose 27 points suggesting a better day ahead for the local stock market. Put it down to crude oil’s surprise 4% rebound overnight. Iron ore is going nowhere and the Aussie dollar is struggling to break above 76 cents.

2. Gold, on the other hand… well, it’s also down. But still close to post-Brexit highs and the buyers are coming to protect their portfolios. That’s because dodgy monetary policy has made bonds unreliable, so much so that even the World Gold Council is saying it’s a “perfect storm” for buyers. Bitcoin, on the other hand, will take a hit after 120,000 coins, worth around US$7.2 million, were stolen from Hong Kong based exchange Bitfinex.

3. A Boeing 777 crash-landed and burst into flames at Dubai International Airport. That makes it five 777s in five years to be written off, including flights MH370 and MH17. But given 1412 777s have been put into service, the plane has a 0.4% write-off rate – some 10 times better than that of its very well-regarded sister, the 747. Even better, the plane that crashed in Dubai was being piloted by an Aussie, so all 300 passengers and crew on board are safe. It was all caught on film by terrible filmmakers – skip to 1.33 for the frightening bit where it explodes:

4. Clint Eastwood doesn’t care about Donald Trump headlines. He reckons the world is slowly being overrun by “the pussy generation”, racism wasn’t a thing when he was young and we should all just “f..king get over it”.

5. Hopefully he doesn’t see this story about Starbucks having to recall 2.5 million of its stainless steel drink straws because four kids couldn’t figure out how to use them safely. Oh, and don’t eat Red Dirt rockmelon right now, because a) there’s a salmonella outbreak putting people in hospital and b) because rockmelon tastes like old socks.

6. Today in earnings, Tesla missed – by more than expected. It’s adjusted loss per share came in at $1.06, well above the expected $0.60, and revenue was $1.56 billion, down on $1.63 billion expected. It was short about 2600 vehicles delivered in the second quarter. Tesla shares slid by as much as 2% after the call and have fallen 6% this year.

7. And how bad is Twitter right now? So bad that a rumour Steve Ballmer wanted to buy the company drove stock up 9%.

8. You’re probably inside somewhere, wishing it was a beach. If so, you probably should just get on with the day and not watch this video of West Aussie Ry Craike showing us all what it’s like ride out a barrel:

9. Warner Bros still can’t get the DC universe right. “Suicide Squad” tried to be too cool, too dark, too edgy, and came out all wrong. It’s a mess and Jared Leto’s Joker is a mile off Heath Ledger’s Oscar-winning insanity. While Marvel can’t miss a trick on the other side of the superhero spectrum, DC hasn’t put a foot right since Christopher Nolan’s “Batman” trilogy”. But it does have loyal fans, and they reckon it’s all a conspiracy. They’re petitioning to have review site Rotten Tomatoes shut down for saying bad things about “Suicide Squad”.

10. Not everyone loves Pokémon Go. Especially those who have a pocket monster running around in their backyard, like New Jersey resident Jeffrey Marder. He’s filed a lawsuit against game developer Niantic, saying it’s encouraging people to trespass. But then you’ve got 24-year-old Benny Affonso, who loves the game so much, he quit his job to play it full-time, and reckons he can make more money doing so. Here’s how.

BONUS ITEM: Speaking of soft kids, there was a time when tightrope walkers didn’t use safety harnesses, and entertainers fired real arrows at each other, without laser-guided sights. Buzzkill:


Have a great day.

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