10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Get in the fridge! Picture: Lucasfilm

Good morning.

1. Not quite H-bombs. Collapsing oil. Markets crashing. Oh my. 2016 is officially looking grim and China isn’t helping one bit with weak yuan fixes. (Although it’s doing a great job of helping itself.) All the global stocks are down – again – as is the ASX, where the 200 index lost another 1.2% yesterday. Futures traders have the March contract down 8 points today and BHP and Rio are facing another bad day after announcing they’re looking to raise $30 billion to buy undervalued assets.

2. And there goes the Aussie dollar. It’s already collapsed 3% this week, and snapped the uptrend since the low below 69 cents last August.

3. North Korea’s new bomb. The White House says it wasn’t an H-bomb that caused a 5.1 magnitude tremor in the DPRK yesterday, but whatever it was, it was still big enough to drop 244,990 people if it were detonated in Manhattan. The UN is about to go into an emergency meeting to discuss action, but Donald Trump already has the answer for how to handle “that madman” – get the totally rational country building the 36 metre gold-plated monument to Mao Zedong to fix it:

4. Our Harry Tucker got on the blower to Dr Robert Kelly, an associate professor at the Pusan National University in South Korea about it all. Dr Kelly is of the “not an H-bomb” camp, but more importantly, he told us why China doesn’t take a harder line against North Korea, and why it should.

5. US President Barack Obama has ditched his Ray Bans for some new shades. If you want them, they’ll set you back a cool $690. And if you’re ready to part with that kind of cash for sunglasses, you first need to read these three reasons why Oliver Peoples Opll Suns might work for the Leader of the Free World, but not so much for you.

6. LinkedIn can make you money. And not just in the sense it might land you a top job if your resume is sparkly enough. Use it properly, and LinkedIn could actually help boost sales and grow your entire business. Sales guys Ken Krogue and Jamie Shanks are so convinced by this, they wrote an eBook on it, and we’ve sifted through it to bring you the 12 best tips on how to use LinkedIn to grow your business.

7. The perfect work day. If you like the sound of an 18-hour rotation of six hours sleep, work and free time, have we got the job for you. You’ll have to spend 90 days at a time crammed into a giant cigar tube under the ocean sharing a single toilet with 40 people. But that’s submarines for you, and here’s a great pictorial on what life is like aboard one in the US Navy.

8. The US Powerball draw in a few hours time will possibly deliver a $US450 million payday to someone lucky, who will no doubt then be dragged through the courts by someone else trying to claim it. But even after the dust settles, winning the lottery will not solve all the winner’s problems. If you don’t believe that, here are 17 lottery winners who blew it all, including the guy who won $16 million, then within a year found himself sued, targeted by a hitman hired by his brother, then in jail and $1 million in debt.

9. CHEESE! Here’s another item about stuff you didn’t know you needed to know. Americans are eating more cheese than ever before. So much so that someone’s actually analysed the 4 biggest ways American cheese consumption will change in 2016, starting with eating whatever this goop is on the bottom left:

10. Apple breaks $100. The tech giant is back to its August, 2015 level and stock is about 20% off over the last six months. Here’s why 2016 is looking to be a tough year for the world’s most valuable brand.

BONUS ITEM: Okay, you probably already know everything’s going to go underwater. But stick with it, because the escalation in this is unparalleled.

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