10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Flat white starbucks
Ahhh. www.starbucks.com

Good morning. Let’s get busy.

1. Iceland’s PM resigned. The people of Iceland forced him to after the “Panama Papers” revealed he was stashing unexplained millions in an offshore account. Note to every other country that obviously thinks stashing millions is the norm, that’s how you do politics. Now for David Cameron, whose best answer for whether his family still has money in a Panama offshore fund is this:

“That is a private matter. I will focus on what the government is doing.”

2. It’s a sea of red out there. S&P 500 – down. Dow – down. Stocks in Germany, France and UK – down. So it’s no surprise to see ASX SPI200 futures pointing to a weaker day ahead on the local. The June futures contract is down another 18 points after yesterday’s appalling trade. And it’s Wednesday.

3. So now’s probably a good time to catch up with JP Morgan’s guide to everything happening in global markets right now.

4. Here’s to those who have so much money they’ve run out of things to spend it on:

Soaker gif

French nightclub party suppliers Extra-Night invented the champagne gun to level up the normal spray of a champagne bottle to eight metres for 45 seconds. It can hold any magnum-size bottle of bubbly for about the cost of a carton of Bolly.

5. Gen Y, your bike has arrived:

“…it features a boost-able motor so you don’t need to pedal”

Vanmoof’s Electrified S also locks by fingerprint, connects to the internet and is controlled by your smartphone. You control the bike’s speed using the app, because actually feeling pedal pressure – or what we once called “life” – was clearly ripe for disruption. Get in early and it will cost you $US2000. Wait until June and you’ll pay $US3000.

6. Want to make a coffee-maker’s day? Order that great Aussie contribution to productivity, the flat white. It’s the favourite beverage to make for many of the world’s coffee-makers, according to a Reddit thread on the topic. Here’s why, and here’s the worst thing you can order.

7. What’s your ultimate economic indicator? Stocking sales? Unclaimed corpses? Japanese haircuts? How about defence spending in 2015? Here are your hot spots in the past decade, according to the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute:

Global military spending

And if you’re thinking China’s splurging a bit, it only comprises 13% of global defence spending. The US is up to 36%.

8. Maybe it’s to deal with all the trauma issues that arise after being chewed out by US military drill instructors. A new reddit thread asked soldiers “What are some of the most memorable things your drill instructors have said?” Among them was this eye-waterer:

Drill instructor quote

Here’s some more inspiration to get you up and running today.

9. Your Tinder activity is available for anyone to see. Even your current partner, if they pay $US5 to Swipe Buster and hand over some basic details. “Delete Tinder,” Ella Dawson, a social media manager for TED Talks, said. “I’m serious. Delete it. Your data is available for purchase.” Obviously, cheaters are today freaking out, having finally just convinced their partners that Ashley Madison thing was because of a virus or a pop-up thing they didn’t mean to click. Here’s what Tinder has to say about it.

10. You know that crazy story about the giant white whale who sunk a ship by head-butting it? 200 years later, scientists have discovered a thing about sperm whale heads which means it might be possible.

BONUS ITEM: Headline – and story – of the day, from El Reg:


Have a great day and cut back on the bot-bothering.