10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Taylor Swift – not actually selfish. At all. Picture: Getty Images

Good morning.

1. Gah. The Santa Claus rally ended after just one day, thanks to Janet Yellen all but locking in the first US rate rise since 2006. It will happen on December 16, but markets across the globe were down 1% on the news. And oil was rubbish, too, down more than 4%. And iron’s heading for a sub-$40 nightmare. Crivens.

At least Gina Rinehart haters will be happy to see the Anangel Explorer leaving Port Hedland loaded with her first shipment from Roy Hill Mine at the lowest spot price on record. Click on the pic and you’ll be able to actually watch Rinehart getting poorer as the ship pulls away:

So with all that – and more ECB easing all but a lock tonight – SPI200 Futures are down 1% and just like yesterday, Australian stocks are likely to go nowhere today.

2. Malcolm Turnbull suddenly has a lot of problems. Having almost made it to a decent Christmas holiday before his party started splintering, Turnbull has to deal with Mal Brough’s admission – now denied – that he may have helped illegally obtain Peter Slipper’s diary, Julie Bishop fighting with Tony Abbott and facing awkward VIP charter jet expense questions, and a Senate loss over super. Best of all, we now know what a “Monkey Pod” is.

3. Ever thought “What’s 5 reasons why the Australian dollar has defied the doomsayers and stuck above 70 cents?” Westpac is there for you.

4. Courts can be great. Why wouldn’t you want jury duty when you’ve got the chance to listen to this widow of a property tycoon try to tell you $715,000 a year “isn’t enough to live on”?
Thandi Wooldridge’s lawyer said it was only fair as his client had been living “an extraordinarily luxurious lifestyle, vastly in excess of what most people could ever aspire to” and she now needs:

  • $365,000 for social events, clothes and jewels
  • $135,000 for holidays
  • $120,000 for transport

Then there’s the other court case where experts are being called in to determine whether President Erdogan looks like Gollum from “Lord of the Rings”. Brilliant.

5. The best Christmas gift guide comes from @GSElevator, the Twitter account behind John LeFevre who had a hit this year with the book “Straight to Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, and Billion-Dollar Deals”. His annual Xmas lists are ideal for the man who has everything – and the gift-giver who can afford to plump for a Cobalt Co50 Valkyrie ($750,000) fighter jet-inspired private plane:

6. If you’ve got friends who gloat about the Android apps they have and you don’t, you really need to get out and meet some new people. But if that’s too hard, buy an iPhone and download these 23 apps they don’t have, and gloat back. Or better, wait until February, and buy that smaller iPhone they don’t have first, then download those 23 apps.

7. Everyone got all moisty-eyed when the first “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” trailer dropped showing Han Solo and the Millennium Falcon. It looked like he’d been waiting a long, long time to get back in the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy. Last night, Jimmy Fallon asked Harrison Ford if he got emotional putting Solo’s costume on again and Ford replied:

“No, I got paid.”

And a bunch of very funny other things. Here’s the interview.

8. Oh, T-Swizzle. Oz media were shocked – shocked – to learn that Taylor Swift had booked out all of Hamilton Island just for her birthday:

How decadent! Except it turns out she booked out all of Hamilton so she could take the 125 crew behind her “1989” world tour for a holiday, as a thank you.

9. Canada is so damned… diverse. Even their models are fighting ISIS. Once known as “Tiger Sun”, Hanna Bohman, with no combat experience, joined a Kurdish nationalist group last year to fight ISIS in Iraq and Syria. And she has some great things to say, including:

“They’re not some giant, holy juggernaut of ultimate damnation for unbelievers. They’re just a bunch of filthy, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging pigs who run away at the first sign of resistance. Really nothing more than a thorn in the side.”

Here’s her amazing story so far.

10. People are actually upset by Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan’s decision to give away 99% of their Facebook shares to charity. They’re split into four camps of Grinch, from the “Billionaires don’t know anything” mob to the “Gotcha – it’s not really a charity!” non-believers. So, do they have a point? No.

BONUS ITEM: There can be only one:

Have a great day.

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