10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Good morning.

1. We don’t want to start a panic, but there’s no other way to say this – coffee is on the verge of extinction. And you can blame the Climate Institute of Australia, because it’s just put out a report that claims half of the regions suitable for gifting us with the browned juicings of that naughty bean won’t be suitable by 2050. But how serious is it, really? Let’s ask Mario Cerutti, Green Coffee and Corporate Relations Partner at Lavazza:

“It’s dramatically serious.”

Start stockpiling now.

2. Australian CEOs are not getting poorer. But they’re not getting any richer either. Basic pay has been declining since the GFC in 2009 when CEOs at ASX 100 companies were getting an average $2.09 million a year. And look whose pay has done nothing but climb since the GFC:

In fact, in the US, also unlike Australia, wages in general are growing. And are likely to keep growing, because Myles Udland has noticed people saying things – things like what you hear just before workers start getting massive raises.

3. The European Commission has ordered Ireland to claw back €13 billion ($19 billion) in taxes from Apple. It’s not illegal to set up business in Ireland. But the EU does think Ireland is allowing Apple to reduce its tax bill in a way not available to other companies. Apple is playing it maturely, clearly not threatening anyone with an official statement along the lines of “you can have taxes, or you can have jobs”. And if you think $19 billion is small beer for Apple, here’s why it isn’t.

4. Sydney Airport is finding launching new ways to charge cars picking up domestic passengers. The current free pick-up zone has been shifted to the P3 car park and you’ll get an extra five minutes before being hit with $8. Make sure your visitor knows it’s eight minutes away. And here’s how you’ll be charged if you want to still use the new “priority” pick-up zone.

5. Update on the defence of the free world. Here’s:

• Why the F-35 could “never in a million years” out dogfight the Russian Su-35
• Why the US’s new $13 billion aircraft carrier is ‘premature’ with ‘unproven technologies’
• How Department of Defence employees rang up over $1 million in casino and strip club charges with no serious repercussions, and;
• A reformed Islamic extremist who recruited for Al Qaeda who now works for the Center for Cyber & Homeland Security

6. Fortunately, IRL, ISIS strongholds are still being blown up and we’re getting images from the front sent back just so we believe it. Here’s the last seconds of a car bomb factory in Mosul:

And even ISIS has confirmed the death of the man responsible for urging people to get into car’s loaded with bombs and terrorise Westerners on their home soil.

7. In markets overnight, the US dollar pushed higher after data seemed to confirm that consumers and employment markets remain real sources of strength in the US. That knocked the Aussie dollar back to 75 cents, and drove gold and oil lower. Stocks stayed steady though, and SPI traders have September futures up 6 points, hinting that the ASX could make up for yesterday’s failure at 5500. Iron ore is hovering just below $60 a tonne.

8. Today in Trump voters, it’s been revealed 31% of them actually support building an Atlantic Ocean wall to keep Muslims out. That’s an actual wall, on the Atlantic Ocean sea border, somehow. And 8% of Clinton supporters agree, so that’s nearly 40% of Americans (20%, with apologies for my terrible math) thinking Atlantic Oceans walls are a completely sane idea.

9. Don’t drink and buy. After a night of clubbing on the Mediterranean island of Ibiza, Davie Little pulled his phone from his pocket only to find that he’d agreed to purchase a coach bus on eBay for £28,500 — or $50,000 at today’s conversion rates. It looks like one of the K124s too, which top out at about £20,000, so he didn’t even get a bargain.

10. A company that searches for Bigfoot is trying to raise $US15 million. Bigfoot Project Investments filed for a public offering of stock, offering 20 million shares at $US0.75 per share. It currently has revenue of $US5,440 per year based on the filing. It also lost just over $US25,000 last year. So yeah, not a whole lot less healthy than SurfStitch.

BONUS ITEM: Stuntwoman Jessie Graff, you have achieved Michael Dudikoff level:

Have a great day.

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