10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

‘Can I get you a coffee, Emmanuel?’

Good morning.

1. “Sell everything.” We heard it back in 2016 from the Royal Bank of Scotland, but one Australian fund management veteran actually is selling everything. Philip Parker, chairman of Altair Asset Management, is liquidating all the company Australian shares funds and returning hundreds of millions of dollars back to clients ahead of a property “calamity”. Parker said he had never been more certain of anything in his life:

“When you’ve got 30-year-olds, who have never seen a property downturn before, borrowing up to 80 per cent to buy three and four apartments, it’s a bubble.”

2. Because they’re British, the UK will head to the polls just over a week from now, on a Thursday. And something crazy is happening – Theresa May is bottling it:

And this morning, she didn’t do a great job of convincing the country that she had any specific answers during a live debate with her direct opponent, Jeremy “Calamity” Corbyn.

3. Oh, Tiger Woods. After recent back surgery, Woods said he hadn’t “felt this good in years”. But he overdid it last night, and was arrested at 3am and charged with driving under the influence. The mug shot is here, but we’ll leave it up to a true legend of the game for the words of comfort Woods really needs right now:

*single pistol*

4. To markets, and today it’s all about Italy, where the banks are tanking. That could mean an early election, and elections these days mean uncertainty. But with US and UK markets closed – and China in the middle of a public holiday – there was little else to focus on. Normal service should resume today, with Aussie stocks in the wars. Greg McKenna reckons significant falls will come if the ASX200 can’t hold in the 5680-5700 range. The Aussie dollar is treading water.

5. Best line goes to US Defence Secretary and former Marine Corp legend James Mattis, who doesn’t like being called “Mad Dog”. When asked what keeps him up at night, he replied, without a second’s thought:

6. French President Emmanuel Macron, fresh from an awkward handwringing with the US President, gave Russian President Vladimir Putin a solid squeeze. Macron on the right:

Picture: Getty Images

But the highlight of Putin’s visit was the press conference where Macron directly attacked media outlets Russia Today and Sputnik as “organs of influence, propaganda, and false propaganda”.

7. Back in the US, President Trump was standing up for people standing up for Muslims:

8. And if after reading that, you were impressed with the correct use of grammar, you might be interested in this post about 11 grammatical mistakes that instantly reveal people’s ignorance.

9. The super for your future also happens to be great for the future of pretty much anyone working in the super industry. A study just found that Australians paid $31 billion in fees to fund managers to handle their super last year. That’s an average of $2570 for every employed Australian, every year. Here’s where it all goes.

10. Around 75 million people a day visit Giphy’s home page just to watch this type of thing:

It’s one reason why Giphy recently pulled a $US72 funding round and employs more than 70 people. But the one thing it hasn’t figured out yet is how to make money. So we asked them, and their biggest investors.

BONUS ITEM: This selfie Tasmanian cops took so old mate knew how he got home:

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