10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Hello, Debbie. Picture: Bureau of Meteorology

Good morning.

1. Markets! And the Aussie dollar is stuttering, stuck in the mud at 0.7620. Mainly because iron ore prices are threatening to collapse again as stockpiles at major ports start to grow. US stocks posted their eighth straight day of losses, which is their longest streak since 2011, and traditional safe haven assets of sovereign bonds and gold are on the rise. Buckle up.

2. Cyclone Debbie is upon Airlie Beach in Queensland. We know because there’s been an intensification in social media pics of painted signs telling the cyclone to f… off, Queenslanders drinking and pretending like Category 4s hit every day and another 7000 versions of that Photoshop from 2012 of the sharks in the flooded shopping centre. But amongst it all, genuine humour finds a way to survive:

Cyclone still isn't bad enough to risk gluten free bread ? #cyclonedebbie

A post shared by ? j u a n i t a ? (@juanitajade) on

We’ve got a bunch of pics and news, and here’s what it looks like from the International Space Station – mindboggling:

Stay safe, you lot. We’ll be watching and bringing you all the updates.

3. Australia’s “Uber of real estate”, Queensland startup Revalu8, launched last year backed by $1.5 million in seed funding. It’s now in liquidation, owing $688,000. The real Uber has suspended some of its self-driving-car tests after a big accident on the weekend. And because artificial intelligence will one day try to kill us all, Elon Musk has launched a company which links brains to computers so humans don’t become “house cats” to their AI overlords.

4. The world’s largest dinosaur foot belonged to an Aussie dinosaur. Check it out here, where there’s a photo of a guy lying down next to it to show how if it stepped on the guy, there’d be no guy left.

5. We have a start time for Brexit – 11.30pm AEDT. Here’s what will happen after that and here’s what the Bank of England thinks will happen to financial institutions in the UK. Actually, it’s just a stress test, but one that is coincidentally almost exactly like what you’d expect in a worst-case scenario after Brexit. And for all those nationalists who thought Brexit would save their jobs – you’re right. The number of EU citizens looking for work in Britain is collapsing.

6. To US politics, where former US vice-president Dick Cheney, who knows a thing or two about starting a war and keeping it going, reckons Russia meddling in the US election could be “an act of war”. And Sean Spicer tried to do a serious press conference about Sanctuary Cities, but forgot to floss and nobody remembered what he said:

7. It was a big night in smartphones. Apple began rolling out iOS 10.3, in which you can find your AirPods, check whether you remembered to lock your car, and rely on Siri to remind how Australian captain Steve Smith completely bottled the Fourth Test today by refusing to give the ball to Nathan Lyon. And six months out from the anticipated launch, JPMorgan says it has the definitive specs for the iPhone 8, and reckons it will be so good, it will pump Apple’s stock price by 14%.

8. Meanwhile, the guy who started Android, Andy Rubin, just teased out a pic of the new phone he’s building. And these are reportedly the official press images for Samsung’s Galaxy S8, which will be released tomorrow night.

9. The US Navy has a new electromagnetic railgun and recently released footage of it firing… something. You’ll see it when they slow down the footage at the end of this clip.

10. If you had a big night last night, you might be suffering a bad case of the woofits right now. Give in to your clinomania and stay home for a bout of unashamed grufeling, and nobody will label you a hum durgeon. And here are 10 other brilliant Ye Olde English words we really should never have stopped using.

BONUS ITEM: Rogue One, released on VHS in the 70s:

Have a great day.

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