10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

‘You need to get some help, lady.’ Picture: whatever/YouTube

Good morning. Here’s all you need to know so far.

1. The price action on the ASX 200 yesterday was appalling. Commentators are blaming offshore sellers for the big reversal which saw stocks down 109 points for a loss of 1.9%. Today isn’t shaping up any better after the big loss on futures and performance of our miners in offshore trade last night.

2. In Asia yesterday, it was a wild ride that ended in no change. Key to the big fall, recovery and late afternoon pullback in Shanghai was one of China’s top economic officials hosing down rumours of a large-scale QE program. That’s important because it highlights restructuring is continuing with specific targets rather than a blanket easing of policy. For the moment.

3. Now they’re comparing Twitter’s growth to the US economy. Ouch. In case you missed it yesterday, Twitter posted some horrible earnings results. Analysts have had some brutal things to say about it, with the one-word punchline coming from the team at Macquarie who described it as “ungood”. But the biggest insult was from Citi’s Mark May, who asked if the company’s woes were “Growing Pains or the New Normal?” The ‘new normal’ is Bill Gross’s phrase for the reality of the new world economy in a rut of low growth. Now it’s being applied to a company, and that company is Twitter. To repeat: Ouch.

4. So, yeah, a woman asked 100 random guys on the street if they would sleep with her as part of a social experiment. The results were … very watchable.

5. There is no such thing as too many Hololens demos. Microsoft was showing off a bunch of stuff at its annual Build developer conference last night, but its shows are increasingly dominated by media just wanting to see more of its amazing VR headset. Screens can even follow you as you walk around.

And virtual assistants can help with all your robot engineering:

There’s a few more here.

6. Self-help for managers. We often look after the little guys with our self-help tips, but hey, managers are people too. And they like a long-term relationship as much as any, but sometimes just don’t understand why no one wants to work for them for long. LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman is there, with a perfect 81-point slideshow about how to stop great employees from quitting.

7. If you don’t think any amount of Hoffman’s advice can change your horrible boss, here’s the 13 most important skills we found on Quora that anyone can have, in business and in life, to help you get out.

8. Apple Watches aren’t working on people with wrist tattoos. Big, block dark colours are interfering with its ability to detect wrists, which is bad news for apps that deal with heartbeat tracking and even Apple Pay. But there’s a bigger problem – a key component inside the Apple Watch is failing, whether you’re wearing it on ink or not.

9. All this keeping up with technology can be a bit much. What you need right now is one of these private islands for sale that you don’t need to be a tech billionaire to buy.

10. But the ultimate in seclusion is living on another planet. Elon Musk says we’ll have a human on Mars within 12 years and scientists are taking it seriously, too. Here’s 10 things they’re doing right now so humans can inhabit the Red Planet.

BONUS ITEM: Arsenal fans taunted Chelsea players, chanting “boring, boring”. Chelsea players replied with this:

Have a great day. I’m on Twitter.

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