10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

The ultimate bunker. complete with dishwashers. Picture: New Line Cinema

Good morning. We’re almost Trump-free today.

1. Facebook earnings are out and it’s yet another blowout, blockbuster quarter. There is no stopping Facebook:

2. Former Twitter CEO Dick Costolo has apologised for not taking the opportunity back in 2010 to stop Twitter becoming a haven for online bullies and abuse. But then again, if he had, we wouldn’t get to enjoy J.K. Rowling smacking down Trump supporters telling her how they’re burning all their Harry Potter books:

There’s a bunch more here, and they’re all just as good.

3. To markets, and the US Fed held, as expected. Markets were up slightly, but the greenback slipped again as data showed growth was accelerating. Crude and gold popping higher following the US putting Iran “on notice”, but Bitcoin is again the big mover. The Australian dollar is going nowhere, but SPI March Futures are up 35 points and the market will be watching today’s trade figures where David Scutt reckons there’s “a reasonable chance that a new record surplus may be reported”.

4. NASA wanted to know how living in space for a year affects a human body. Luckily, Mark Kelly’s identical twin brother Scott is an astronaut. So Scott got to go to space and now he’s back, NASA has started to release its findings about the new differences between the two. And there are differences.

5. The real crisis in the US right now – it’s running out of cheap bacon. US farmers are producing it at record levels, but demand outside the US is accelerating even beyond that. Soon, Americans might be forced to eat algae and these three other foods from the future. Or worse, they won’t get a chance to use this bacon toaster:

6. At this bacon rate, Warren Buffett will be restricted to a Sausage McMuffin every morning for breakfast. He’s just fessed up to why he asks his wife Astrid to place either $2.61, $2.95, or $3.17 in the centre cup-holder in his car every morning before he makes his daily pit stop at McDonald’s. It’s quite an amazing insight into a multibillionaire’s mind.

7. Johnny Depp, meanwhile, is spending more than $2 million a month on luxury cars, wine and “entourage, freinds and family”, according to his former longtime business managers. He’s suing them for $25 million, but they say they simply couldn’t control his spending. And Sky is reporting David and Victoria Beckham pay David and Victoria Beckham pay nearly £22,000 a day in tax.

8. Let’s keep spending on ourselves, while we’re talking about loaded people. If you’re Malcolm Turnbull, that means you get to pile $1.75 million out of your own bank account into your own election campaign. Turnbull admitted it to Stan Grant on ABC last night. “I put my money into ensuring that we didn’t have a Labor government,” he said.

9. Retired US four-star general David Petraeus spent much of his life fighting for what he believed was the best sytem for ensuring the world was peaceful, prosperous and free. Overnight, he told the House Armed Services Committee why he believes that world order is now in danger of collapsing.

10. Silicon Valley giants aren’t waiting. They have a code for Apocalypse insurance – it’s called “I’m buying a house in New Zealand”. Saying you’re ‘buying a house in New Zealand’ is kind of a wink, wink, say no more,” LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman told The New Yorker. “Once you’ve done the Masonic handshake, they will be, like, ‘Oh, you know, I have a broker who sells old ICBM silos, and they’re nuclear-hardened, and they kind of look like they would be interesting to live in.'” Peter Thiel is in – he’s even an official Kiwi.

BONUS ITEM: Boston Dynamics is back with a new nightmare:

Have a great day.

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