10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

G’antee you a fiddy. Picture: FOX/Twitter

1. First, to markets, and it looks like we can almost say 2016 is finally behaving itself. As David Scutt noted this morning: “Woeful China data, another contraction in US manufacturing but as opposed to January and February, that’s good news.” So onwards and upwards, including the Australian dollar which is back near 72 cents this morning. And gold! Which recently saw its 50-day moving average cross above its 200-day moving average. That’s known as a “golden cross”, and it almost always signals good things to come for the filthy yellow lucre.

2. No rate cut! This is intolerable! Financial conditions in Australia are now tighter than they were at any of the last four interest rate cuts says Tim Toohey, Goldman Sachs’ chief economist in Australia, and his team. Here’s why it’s taking so bloody long.

3. Steve Ballmer is a lot of things: the former CEO of Microsoft, the most emotional owner in NBA history, and a billionaire. All of which makes this moment such a huge win for everyone:

And because he made the dunk, Ballmer a) went bonkers, to the surprise of nobody and b) bought all 19,000 people in the stadium a pair of new Converse sneakers. That’s how to retire.

4. We learnt yesterday that Google Australia MD Maile Carnegie is leaving the company for ANZ, and it surprised everybody. Well, here’s why it shouldn’t surprise anyone , and you’d better get used to it.

5. The Geneva Motor Show is on and there’s a new Aston Martin in it. Meet the DB11 – the car that’s so hot even James Bond doesn’t have one:

Here are all the details, but surely you’d rather be piloting this?

That’s the interior of the new Lamborghini Centenario. You really need to see the outside.

6. Who got Osama bin Laden’s millions? He left about $40 million, and a will which was seized during the Abbottabad raid. It’s … conversational:

“Also, I need you to take 1% from the total and give it to Shaykh Abu Hafs al-Mauritani. By the way, he has already received 20,000-30,000 dollars from it, he said.”

You can read the entire will here, but in the US, citizens are more fascinated with bin Laden’s personal letter to them in which he advises them to seek freedom from political lobbyists and save humanity from greenhouse gases.

7. Have breakfast with us, meet some people, and maybe learn a few things about data. We’ve got business breakfasts in Melbourne on March 17th and Sydney on March 22nd, which we’re putting on with the good people at Microsoft. There’ll be some short presentations from CEOs about how they use data across their businesses every day, and insights from some of PwC’s data stars. You can sign up here for Melbourne and here for Sydney. Get in there.

8. Australian premiers are now sledging each other on Twitter:

These are indeed exciting times in which we live.

9. This Victorian beach box looks like it’s about to become Australia’s most expensive shed:

Picture: Sotheby’s International Realty

It’s likely to sell for $700,000. Bizarrely, it’s a fantastic investment, because people. But as a $700,000 investment in me-time, it’s just awful, because it took about 3 minutes of Googling to find a bunch of much better ways to spend $700,000 – such as on 54 nights for two people aboard the Queen Mary 2. Every year for the next 19 years.

10. Pirates are working on their target-marketing game. A report from Verizon reveals one group ditched the tired “hold the crew for swag of booty” routine in favour of just herding them into a corner for a couple of hours. In the meantime, the pirates scanned container barcodes to find exactly what they boarded for. And they knew that, because they used other pirates – digital ones – to hack into shipping company servers.

BONUS ITEM: “There’s currently a bloke down here drinking a VB tally and chucking his pet snake around.”

There's currently a bloke down here drinking a VB tally and chucking his pet snake around. Amazing

A video posted by Indiana Bones (@indy.bones) on

Australia, have a great day.

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