10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Mwaahahahaha. Picture: Getty Images

Good morning. Let’s start with the best moneymaker in the world:

1. Apple got richer. There’s no stopping the Cupertino juggernaut. Monster earnings this morning saw stock hit an all-time high as CEO Tim Cook announced the “strongest March quarter ever”. How about these apples for starters:

  • EPS: $US2.33, up 40%, versus $US2.16 expected
  • Revenue: $US58.01 billion, up 27%, versus $US56.03 billion expected
  • iPhone units: 61.2 million, up 40%, versus 58.1 million expected

One notable miss, however, was iPad sales – down a whopping 23%.

2. The local stock market lagged the broader Asian rally yesterday with a gain of 0.83% to 5982. Add the 17 points of the June futures rally and the market could test the 6,000 in trade today. Last night the implied rally at one stage took it through — in a physical sense — but it closed well below the level, suggesting the physical market might struggle a little today. RBA Governor Glenn Stevens spoke earlier this morning, indicating he’s worried about low rates.

3. In Asia yesterday Shanghai ripped higher yet again, fuelled by hopes of mergers and more stimulus. The government is doing what it can to even up the balance — warning new investors of the potential harm to their capital should the market turn — but the reality is traders are driving higher because there is a wall of money at work. It’s kind of like a private sector QE program — just into stocks, not onto bank balance sheets.

4. More life hacks. If you hate washing your hair or lining up for groceries, here’s how to cut down. You could either see this post as some handy tips to free up spare time, or a sad indictment on our quest to swap even more joy of everyday living out for a productivity gain. Nobody should live on Soylent.

5. Campaign Monitor’s new boss has big plans. Former Salesforce executive Alex Bard took over as the $1bn email marketing champion’s CEO in September, and is obviously keen to keep its track record of being profitable since the day it was founded 10 years ago. Here’s how he’ll do it – including spending the lazy $250 million in funding that landed for Campaign Montior just before he took over.

6. Housing in Australia’s big cities is cripplingly expensive. But interest rates are at historic lows, so if you bought in recently and thought it was looking like a close-run thing to make the payments, here’s the chart you’ve been looking for:

That’s just what a 1% rise to 6.65% does to affordability – and the 10-year average is 7.18%.

7. Financial system inquiry chairman David Murray says the Federal Government could lose its prized AAA credit rating. Greg McKenna couldn’t care less, saying the “Cult of AAA” is too often used as an excuse to neither borrow nor invest. And besides, Morgan Stanley just released a report that shows how Abbott and Co could spend $80bn on infrastructure without shifting our credit rating one iota.

8. What’s in Elle Macpherson’s handbag? The Body is enduring a wave of ridicule on social media after she was asked by The London Evening Standard what’s the most shocking item in her purse. She replied:

She also visits her nutritionist whenever she’s in London to have her lymph nodes drained. Weird? Yes. Effective? She’s 51, so you decide:

9. There’s a new ‘King of Instagram’ and he makes Dan Bilzerian’s lifestyle look PG-13. If you’re sick of gawking at Bilzerian’s shamelessly ostentatious social media updates, try his mate Tony Toutouni, the “billionaire businessman” who chronicles his own models-and-bottles lifestyle through his account @lunatic_living. The former car stereo salesman got fed up and moved from Iran to LA, where he now earns enough to insure the middle finger he once flipped his former employer for $7 million.

10. In 2006, Floyd Mayweather turned down the highest purse of his career – $8m to fight Antonia Margarito. It cost him $750,000 to do it, because he had to pay the Top Rank stable which he was part of to become a free agent. On Sunday, due to the fight he’s got himself into against Manny Pacquiao, he’ll take home more than $100m, making Mayweather easily the greatest businessman in sport, ever.

BONUS ITEM: A dog that plays with itself. Perfect.

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