10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Picture: Aston Martin

Good morning. Here’s your essential reading.

1. The Olympics are over and here’s the medal table you’ve been waiting for – the “adjusted for population” one where China is laughably rubbish and Armenia beats Australia. New Zealand also scored late with Nikki Hamblin winning the Pierre de Coubertin sportsmanship medal for falling over and being helped across the 5000m line by Abbey D’Agostino. Yes yes, it’s been a real feature in Rio. (Although we did note the distinct lack of sportsmanship evident when Yohann Diniz could have done with a couple of Wet Wipes.)

2. So now it’s back to the US presidential elections, where John Oliver has begged Donald Trump to quit the race and admit it was all a “satire designed to expose the flaws in the system”:

But who’d be an American, when the other option is to vote for someone mired in this set of extremely smelly deals? However, a pollster measured Democrat reactions when Hillary Clinton most recently insisted that she doesn’t believe she’s ever lied, and received “one of the worst responses on the campaign trail” he’d ever seen, so they may be onto her yet.

3. To markets, where it’s quiet. Too quiet. US stocks have now traded for 30 days within moves of 1%, and the rubber band must be getting wound close to breaking point. No one’s daring to breathe, so SPI futures for the Australian market are flat, and with no significant data on the cards, that suggests another unremarkable day ahead for the ASX. The 200 finished 0.21% down yesterday, but the dollar bounced overnight after hitting a 3-week low.

4. Driverless cars will be here within five years and it looks like Ford is the first to address the biggest danger – drivers. “We are not in a race to be first, but we are in a race to do the right thing,” Ken Washington, vice president of advanced research and engineering, told us. So when you slide in behind the wheel of Ford autonomous car for the first, there won’t actually be a wheel. Or brake pedals, and you won’t be getting out at the petrol station. It’s called “level four autonomy”. Welcome to a future which protects you from yourself – but why would anyone not want to drive the jawdropping Aston Martin Zagato?

5. Mercedes Benz is jumping in with an autonomous bus with a difference – it, er, has a driver. But we know it’s amazing, because they’re calling it the “Future Bus”:

Mercedes future bus interiorMercedes-BenzThe interior of the Future Bus.

And here’s the current state of play in the increasingly brutal war to get driverless taxis on the road. See if you can spot the bizarrely out of place major player in the Venn diagram that is yet to make a single move in the field.

6. Do you own a Nexus 6, Nexus 5X, Nexus 6P, Nexus 9, Nexus Player, Pixel C or General Mobile 4G? Congratulations, you’ll be getting Android Nougat any day now. Here’s what to expect, including support for Google’s VR project, Daydream. Everyone with any other Android phone, you might get it, you might not. That includes the best phone ever made, Samsung’s Galaxy Note 7 which, according to PhoneBuff’s speed test, is not as fast as last year’s iPhone 6S.

7. Today in superheroes, Iron Man retired and handed over the suit to Iron Woman Ironheart. Thor shut down parts of Brisbane, and gave away a hint that Dr Strange might make an appearance in “Ragnarok” in the top right pic:

And a real-life Maverick explains what “Top Gun” got wrong.

8. If you hate your job, quit it now. Science just found out it could be making you seriously ill. But if you’re planning on never working again, here’s 34-year-old retiree Brandon with some advice about how to prepare for having nothing to do for five days a week.

9. And if you’re sticking your job out a bit longer, here are 23 things you should never say to your coworkers, even if you’re friends. (Including the classics “Are you pregnant?”, “I’m looking for another job” and “See this rash?”) And here are 10 mistakes to avoid when you’re growing a young business.

10. Scientists have found a way to make see-through mice. Here’s why that could be great for your brain, but never good for the transparent mouse.

BONUS ITEM: Internet killjoy Snopes has just confirmed this dragon which fell from the sky in Tibet is not real. Sorry.

Have a great day.

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