10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Friday!

1. First. The most important thing you need to know today is this reminder of how much New Zealanders love sheep:

Picture: Che Baker/Fairfax NZ

That’s a carjacker who’s plan was foiled for the most Kiwi of reasons. Bless.

2. Markets, where it was Mario Draghi to the rescue. The ECB chief gave markets a rare 2016 reprieve by promising more easing and saying the board has “no limit” when it comes to helping the economy. Cue a few happy days, buoyed by a bounce in oil and US stocks. And didn’t futures love it, with the ASX SPI 200 March contract suggesting a 29 point gain to kick things off today. Even the Aussie dollar ripped above 70 cents.

3. And if you’ve lost loads of money this year and think it’s all China’s fault, Australian billionaire fund manager Kerr Neilson says it’s not. Here’s why.

4. And if you’re not on Facebook, you’re missing all the important shares like this:



While it would be reassuring to think “Yeah, but nobody actually believes that”, don’t, because thousands do. So much so that debunker site Snopes has to point out that worms are much more expensive to buy than beef. And while we’re on the debunk train, here are six ways you can’t stop scooping up everyone else’s germs, no matter how much hand sanitiser or paper towels you use.

BONUS FALSE ITEM: Snopes was also forced to report today that legendary drummer Animal was not dead.

5. If you still insist on listening to people and you’re looking for a great overseas hotel, TripAdvisor just released its list of the world’s best stays. It’s based on millions of traveller reviews and plenty of them are under $200. But this, this is properly classy. Pay $2500 and list your ($500,000+) home with 3RD HOME, and you get access to around 5000 places like this house built out of a decommissioned 747 jet overlooking Malibu:

It’s ‘Airbnb for billionaires’, and the listings are incredible.

6. Employee of the Year. You might think you’re good at your job, but you’ll never be as good as this cop who gets shot in the back while writing a ticket, chases the offender, then returns to finish writing the ticket. (It says “graphic”, but it’s not really, just a bit alarming):

7. Lleyton Hewitt has finally retired, bowing out last night to No 8 seed David Ferrer 6-4, 6-4, 6-4. Bruce McAvaney made an excellent pun about how Hewitt has more time “home than away” now, which embarrassed all the kids. But the real star so far is Japanese 18-year-old Naomi Osaka, who’s not only excellent at knocking off 18th seeds, she follows it up by bowing to her fans and quoting Pokeman at post-match pressers.

8. Today in Rich People, Jerry Seinfeld is auctioning off these three incredible Porsches. And Bill Gates told Davos we can end poverty by 2030.

9. How good are the Golden State Warriors? So good, two of them can stop to tie their laces, knowing Harrison Barnes can hit a 1-on-5 jumper at the other end:

Or maybe that should be: “How bad are the Chicago Bulls?”

10. Mallory Schlossberg, our intrepid “try anything once” reporter, tried supermodel Gisele Bundchen’s diet. Which is pretty much all about what not to eat, including whites, such as sugar, flour and iodised salt, and MSG, which is all sensible enough. But things go bad when you chuck in her NFL star husband Tom Brady’s list of nos. No tomato, no mushrooms, no coffee, no dairy and virtually no fruit. It took Mallory all of 24 hours to figure out life as Gisele Bunchen was awful and she thinks she nailed down the one item she shouldn’t have passed up.

BONUS ITEM: How to be properly drunk and shameful on telly the morning after an awards show:

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