10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Mr & Mrs Smith. Photo: IMDb.

Good morning.

1. Markets are dull. Everyone’s waiting for the Fed’s decision on monetary policy at 4am, and the same from the Bank of Japan some time after lunch today. US stocks barely moved overnight and the SPI 200 futures are suggesting a drop of around 9 points when the local market opens. Spend some time instead on these most important charts in the world right now from the brightest minds on Wall Street.

2. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are divorcing. Let’s begin our extended coverage by saying why no one should be surprised. There’s the concerns Jolie had with Pitt’s parenting methods. There’s the affair Pitt may have had with Marion Cotillard. The affair Jolie may have had with Jack O’Connell. The affair Pitt may have had with Sienna Miller. And that movie Jolie made while on their “working honeymoon” about a couple in a loveless marriage. Phew. And as usual, Twitter users fell over each other trying to be witty, and as usual, none of them were.

3. Now might be a good time to go back through some studies and review these 7 proven ways to tell if your relationship will last.

4. Not dead yet. BlackBerry is insisting on cracking the Android market and it looks like a successor to the awkwardly named DTEK50, which we reviewed less than six weeks ago, is already in the works. But the “DTEK60” could be much, much more powerful. Unlike Microsoft’s new Nokia, which boasts two 0.3 megapixel cameras.

5. This dog doesn’t careshe owns eight iPhone 7s:

China dog iphone 7WeiboCoco with her new iPhone 7s.

Her owner is Wang Sicon, the son of Chinese real estate billionaire Wang Jianlin, and he has some form in baiting everyone else in the world. Yes, he’s the same bell-end who bought the same dog two gold Apple Watches last year. Hint – you’re supposed to be angry with him.

6. We’re right onto bosses today. Blame Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf for our bad mood, and his pathetic performance in trying to explain to US Congress why thousands of his employees kept opening fake accounts. So here are 9 signs your boss is a pushover and what that means for you, 23 questions you should never ask your boss, and 8 uncomfortable questions you might. And just to balance things out, here are 11 signs your coworkers don’t respect you.

7. Let’s not kid ourselves. When If China decides to take control of the South China Sea, we’ll need the USA to have our back. While all the focus has been on artificial sand islands and strong hints of militarisation, not enough has been said about China’s “secret” navy – its coast guard and the biggest fishing fleet in the world. US naval strategy expert Andrew Erickson just said China makes it abundantly clear at home that the fishing vessels have a “militia” function, but you won’t see it in any English publication. And that’s why, he said, the US needs to step up to China in the South China Sea, now.

8. So it’s good then, that NATO has decided engaging an F-35 would be like fighting “an invisible Muhammad Ali”, the US Air Force is carrying out exercises like getting 12 B-52 bombers airborne at once in an effort to demonstrate its nuclear deployment capacity “anywhere, anytime” and such things as these awesome flying all-terrain vehicles are realistic options for special forces:

9. It’s a giddy read, but there are 5 problems Italian neurosurgeon Sergio Canavero has to solve before he can stitch someone’s head onto another person’s body. He has a willing patient, in case you’re new to this horrific, fascinating tale. And a dodgy video of a dog stumbling around which he reportedly practised on.

10. Speaking of heads, here’s how to pour beer like a German. It’s probably more complicated than you think.

BONUS ITEM: They said Mark Murray couldn’t do it. But the Hamdog inventor from Perth has collected the patents and begun rolling out his double-meat assault:

Have a great day.

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