10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Beaten by a robot? You’re not alone. Picture: MGM

Good morning. Not much has changed, but it is Friday.

So there’s that.

1. The US Fed did nothing. But in monetary terms, nothing is actually never nothing, so the call to keep benchmark interest rates pegged at 0%-0.25%, where they have been since December 2008, still caused plenty of ructions. The US dollar fell to a three-week low, and treasuries rallied, and of the big three markets, only the Nasdaq managed to eke out a tiny gain.

2. And with that, the Fed committed to the most boring chart ever:

3. Back here, the Australian dollar had its wildest morning in years after the announcement. The US selling saw the Aussie roar to a high of 0.7284, and it’s now got traders scratching their heads after sliding back to 0.7172:


4. Over at the ASX it was much the same. The December SPI opened last night’s session at 5,107, hit a high of 5,184 (up 1.5%) before it reversed course as traders around the world re-evaluated what the Fed meant, or was trying to convey. That saw the Dec SPI close at 5,106, down 1. Traders in Australia might be a little disappointed today.

5. After weeks of speculation, the hours before the Fed announcement dragged on and on for traders and strategists. But Dave Lutz at JonesTrading found something to keep everyone interested – Janet Yellen’s horoscope for the day (she’s a Leo):

You’re the missing piece of the puzzle today, Leo. As a result, people will look to you for answers. The good news is that you’ll have them at the ready. Trust yourself. Information and new ideas may be flying around, and you may be called upon to make sense of it all. Don’t be afraid to err on the side of the fanciful. This may be exactly the answer needed.

Spooky, huh?

6. In the end, the night belonged to Sam Wood, aka “The Bachelor”, who shocked all by choosing 34-year-old mother of one Snezana over 27-year-old intruder Lana. Wood didn’t propose, but did give Snez a $22,000 “promise ring”. Even NSW Premier Mike Baird couldn’t take his eyes off the drama, and live-tweeted the whole thing like a pro:

7. Hilarious, but not as much as the call from Twitter’s CFO Anthony Noto who tried to tell a tech conference in Las Vegas that Twitter’s audience might be bigger than Facebook’s 1.4 billion “depending how you look at it”. Champagne comedy.

8. More on robots that refuse to be beaten, here’s one that you will never ever top at rock-paper-scissors:

And here’s a couple that for $US6995 will ensure you’re never lonely. But get in quick – there’s a bunch of ethicists who want sex robots banned, saying the roles they play are “very disturbing indeed”.

9. Your big words don’t make you sound smart, and science says so. So nyah. And while we’re being childish, here are 7 lessons you can learn from kids that will make you a more successful adult. (And understanding the new handball rules isn’t one, so breathe easy.)

10. This is Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s dream iPhone:

Satya Nadella's iPhoneBusiness InsiderSatya Nadella’s dream iPhone

He calls it the “iPhone Pro” and you might have noticed it’s loaded with Microsoft apps. Apple technology, Microsoft productivity – finally, the consumer is starting to get something it deserves.

BONUS ITEM: More evidence we need to stop this robot revolution.

Have a great weekend.

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