10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Words are not enough. Picture: smudgedlipstick.co.uk

Good morning.

1. US markets overnight lifted on strong retail sales data from the US and bets the Fed could raise rates by March. In Australia, stocks fairly soared to two-year highs yesterday, underpinned by a strong performance from financials, and SPI futures for March are up 31 points overnight. But the Aussie dollar is in the death zone. Today, it’s jobs day, and the unemployment rate is expected to stay put at 5.8%.

2. This is what the end of an era looks like:

It’s official – BlackBerry’s share of the global smartphone market is now 0.0%.

3. One of London’s hottest new dating trends is “Dirty Scrabble”, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. You go to a pub, play Scrabble with a blind date, and try to make dirty words. Obviously, the Poms are great at it. But not Samantha Bee, whose love for Carry On style smut proved no help at all.

4. US president Donald Trump welcomed Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to the White House, and when it came to talk about the West Bank, Trump was classic textbook, er, Trump:

“Bibi and I have known each other a long time — smart man, great negotiator — and I think we’re going to make a deal. It might be a bigger and better deal than people in this room even understand.”

Netanyahu was… lukewarm.

5. That took the focus off Trump “cosying up” to Russia, but maybe that’s because it’s looking more like he’s actually pulled a bait-and-switch and is turning on his temporary friends. Now Trump – and NATO – reckons Obama “was soft” and let Russia take Crimea, and he wants Putin out of Ukraine. Or maybe that’s just what they want us to think, and Trump’s sudden hostility is a giant double-fake. Gah. Anyway, here’s a giant image of Putin caressing a pregnant Trump projected on a New York Apple store.

6. Fools and money. It’s just a matter of finding a way to separate them, and hats off to someone in Harrods’ marketing department who is clearly collecting big on a bet they once made that they could sell “luxury water” for £80 a bottle. You might even consider it too, if you’re on a flight and have just read this article about why flight attendants never drink the tap water on their own planes. Even if it’s boiled.

7. Here’s a much better investment – a Ferrari 488. Even if it is turbo-charged. If you don’t believe us, read Simon Thomsen’s review and go on, splash out another $155,000 for all the extras. You only live once, apparently.

8. We already know New Zealanders are different. Now we know that might be because their country is in a completely different continent. Welcome to “Zealandia”.

9. Chloe, 7, of the UK, likes the idea of working somewhere with bean bag chairs, go-karts, and slides. So she applied to Google:

Here’s the reply she got from Sundar Pichai, aka, the CEO of Google.

10. Millennials text, speed and run red lights while behind the wheel. Millennials think it’s OK to speed in school zones. Millennials even admit they think their dangerous driving behaviour is acceptable. This is why millennials are America’s worst drivers – by an alarming margin.

BONUS ITEM: This is superhuman:

If you missed it, watch LeBron’s pass in slo-mo:

Yep, that’s the best nutmeg of all-time.

Have a great day.

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