10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Nothing to see here. Picture: Paramount Pictures

Good morning.

1. Nick Kyrgios is finished for 2016. The ATP thought he could try harder:

And has banned him from playing pro tennis for eight weeks. He will miss the $5.4 million BNP Paribas Masters in Paris and instead cough up $US41,500 in fines. But wait – the ATP said he can come back after three weeks if he hires a psychologist.


2. The Aussie is barely moving against the US dollar, but pack your lederhosen because it’s just hit a 16-month high against the euro, just a week after hitting a four-year high against the pound. But there’s an upside risk for AUD/USD today when RBA governor Philip Lowe speaks this morning about “inflation and monetary policy”, followed by New Zealand’s Q3 CPI. After spending most of the night in the red, the SPI 200 futures are up 3 points this morning – not much of a lead for trade today. Sorry.

3. Are your wage rises consistently in the 1% to 3% range? Are you “just happy to be employed”? Then there’s a good chance you’re being underpaid. Here are the 13 more signs to check off and remember, not pushing for extra money each year could cost you more than a million dollars over the course of your career.

4. Here’s why Donald Trump’s claims of a rigged election are a fraud – from a real fraud who spent time in jail for rigging elections. But Trump must be getting a bit boring, because today, it’s Hillary Clinton’s turn to face some tepid scrutiny. About that time the State Department may have asked the FBI to declassify one of Clinton’s emails in exchange for, ooh, maybe letting the FBI have a couple more agents in countries where they’re forbidden?

5. Speaking of emails, Julian Assange is dead, poisoned by vegan food brought to him on the weekend by Pamela Anderson. That’s if you believe the internet, which is freaking out over three “keys” dropped on Twitter by WikiLeaks yesterday. Since 2013, there’s been 349 gigs of “insurance” bombshells floating around locked up and waiting for the keys to drop when Assange dies (prematurely). It’s called a “dead man’s switch” – but here’s why Assange is likely to still be alive.

6. Otmar Issing says the ECB and euro is a house of cards and it’s about to collapse. And Issing should know – he practically built it.

7. How your typical North Korea missile test rolls:

The Hermit Kingdom mangled another Musadan intermediate-range ballistic missile test on Friday, it’s sixth failure from seven attempts this year. But, missile defence expert Thomas Karako told us, “they will get it right sooner or later, so we’d better be ready”. And there’s one special launch they’re practising which really does have the chance to catch the US by surprise.

8. There will never be an Apple Car. To be fair, according to Tim Cook, there never officially was an Apple Car. But Bloomberg is reporting the “Project Titan” team is being dismantled, with hundred of departures and layoffs happening. But who wants to be part of an electric, autonomous driving future where real people admit they’re looking forward to bullying you on the road anyway?

9. Supermoon! We love a supermoon, because we get awesome pictures like this:

Picture: Getty Images

But there are three more coming just this year, and the next one will be the biggest we’ve seen this century.

10. A proper Halloween. Airbnb is running a contest where the winner will be flown to Romania and taken by a horse-drawn carriage to spend the night in the real Dracula’s Castle – and sleep in a coffin.

BONUS ITEM: Who would have thought ping pong could be so entertaining?

Have a great day.

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