10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Excruciating. Picture: Paramount Pictures

Good morning.

1. Valentine’s Day is over. So here’s when you’re probably going to get divorced.

2. Markets will be interesting today. The US is out for another day off with Presidents Day, on the same day China comes back from its week-long holiday. Oil is looking healthy after wild rumours of an OPEC and non-OPEC meeting swirled. On the local, the ASX fell 4.24% for the week, and futures markets rallied 1.9% on Friday night to close at 4,785.

3. So what have we got to look forward to? Greg McKenna is here for you, with his diary of all the key events and it’s looking huge, with six different Fed speakers and loads of data around the globe. Hilarious labour force figures for Australia on Thursday? Check. UnZed dairies Wednesday? Check. China trade and Japan Q4 GDP today? Check, check. It’s all here.

4. Do you Snapchat, or are you old? Because if the thought of adding yet another app to your life which demands you pick up the phone every couple of minutes, you could do worse than picking it up to see this:

Yes, Arnie’s now added Snapchat to his social duties, and that was, apparently, the “greatest Snapchat of all time”. See what you’re missing?

5. Here are 27 things you never knew you could do with your iPhone, like make it all black and white to save the battery, because it’s not an Android. And here’s the one date you should never, ever set your iPhone to, because it will kill it. Try it on someone else’s.

6. Who’s to blame for this market rout? We are. For complaining so much about the banks stuffing up and causing the GFC, regulators stepped in to make sure it never happened again. And according to Aussie hedge fund billionaire Sir Michael Hintze, they may have over-regulated to the point of “madness”.

7. Ever thought about leaving the city for a patch of land and a work-from-home office? Many Australians are, including myself, so I dragged my family to Tasmania a year ago. Here’s how that’s going.

8. Surely, these guys are the most extraordinary athletes on the planet:

That’s Aaron Gordon, trying to knock off Zach La Vine in yesterday’s Slam Dunk contest on the NBA All Stars weekend. Some say the pair matched the epic Michael Jordan-Dominique Wilkins dunk-off in 1998, but they’re wrong. Although there is some very rare air amongst all of these 12 incredible feats that verge on CGI.

9. They finally got Adam Voges out. The Aussie keeper had been enjoying batting out the innings so much, he was, for a while yesterday, a greater batsman than The Don. Helped by his 239 knock – the biggest by an Aussie overseas since Mark Taylor’s unbeaten 334 in 1998 – Voges’ average blew out to 105 at one stage yesterday over 14 Test matches. The Kiwis have lost 14 wickets and are still 201 runs short of Australia’s first innings total.

10. “Zoolander 2” sucks. But then, so did “Zoolander”, which is why we all loved it so much. If you want a proper laugh, check out the reviews, in which Leonard Maltin actually walked out. Fortunately, it seems everyone remembered “Zoolander” was only a great DVD, gave the sequel an awful box office opening weekend of $13 million, and went to see “Deadpool” instead. That shattered all the February records, taking a monster $135 million.

BONUS ITEM: Sorry if we killed the romance with that top item about divorce. Here are 7 inter-office love stories to make up for it, because it’s still Valentine’s Day somewhere.

Have a great day.

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