10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Cover your eyes, children. Picture: Schick

1. Chat wars. Fresh off making the most successful tech IPO of the year, Atlassian has rolled out the big guns in its fight with fellow productivity gurus Slack. The $5.7 billion company today announced a partnership with Uber which means you can call a driver without so much as lifting your eyes from HipChat. There’s loads more app-embedding where that came from, and it’s the first major salvo in the modern battle they’re calling “ChatOps”. Here’s what it looks like:

Hipchat apps screenshotAtlassianThis CallCenter app is integrated directly into HipChat.

2. To markets, where traders seem to think Christmas comes in the form of black gold. They bought crude oil 5% from the new post-GFC lows and with it, US stocks off their lows to close on the highs of the day. The S&P trough to peak rally was 30 points or 1.5%. That’s driven the SPI200 futures to be down just 1 point and up around 35 points off the lows. So it could be a good day for the ASX. Indeed, as Greg McKenna says, it could be quite a few good days while important support holds.

3. It’s Treasurer Scott Morrison’s big day with the release of the government’s mid-year economic and fiscal review. In many ways, it’s also the government’s first real test as we’ll see if they abandon the budget forecasts that have so defined Australia’s fiscal management for the past 6 years. Or, will we get a clean break, a deck-clearing which sets the scene for real reform? We’ll know at 1pm when the document is released in Perth, which is a bit of a hint in itself as to how bad some of the numbers might be. Because iron ore, right?

4. We’re a sensitive mob. Among all the things that most offended us this year in Australia, you can list:

  • Bonsai trees representing pubic hair
  • Men kissing
  • Guys saying “Oh sheet”, and
  • That one where the woman cruelly flicks a snake with her belt

But save your heavens-to-betsys for the moment the air all across the country turned blue, thanks to Holden. Their appalling effort saw complaints to the Advertising Standards Bureau peak at a lofty 161 angsty viewers. All were dismissed, but Holden changed the ad anyway.

5. Hedge fund manager Eric Jackson could give you 99 reasons why Marissa Mayer has to step down as Yahoo’s CEO. But this one has the killer title:

Jacko sticks the boot into the new mum in this new presentation, taking aim at all the free Jawbones, iPhones, trips to Davos and $450 million in food Mayer has signed off on. And he’s keen to see the workforce slashed from 12,000 to 3000.

6. Here’s a chart we haven’t seen, ever:

Apple seems to have run out of ideas for making its iPhone more exciting after peaking with the massive version in 2014. Morgan Stanley analyst Katy Huberty has predicted that Apple’s iPhone sales will drop in its 2016 fiscal year for the first time ev- Oooh look! The Apple Car!

7. Proof indeed that these are exciting times in which we live, we can today run two “Worst of” year-enders side by side and they’re both star-studded. First up, here are the 10 biggest box-office bombs of 2015. And here’s a more depressing list – an In Memorium for 7 once-hot startups that shuttered their doors in 2015.

8. Crotch lift or power wedgie? Whichever, it’s an ignominious moment for Ukraine’s PM in Parliament this week:

Not that Arseny Yatseniuk isn’t used to humiliation – his approval rating is at a Crean-like 2 per cent right now. And stick around for the brawl that followed that great moment in politics.

9. Given the amount of posts we do on it, you might think the best way to get rich is to read George S. Clason 1926 personal finance classic, “The Richest Man in Babylon”. And you might be right, because even back in 1926, his one most valuable tip was to “save money before spending it, rather than saving money that’s left over”. Which sounds a lot like super, but even if you’ve got some left over, here’s what Clason says you should do with it. And after all that cash starts flooding in, this is the moment when you know you’ve got enough. (According to Jim Cramer.)

10. Looking for a fresh start to 2016? Of more than 500 human resources or hiring managers surveyed by Accounting Principals, 94% recommend December as a great time to be looking for a new job. Here’s why.

BONUS ITEM: You think you’re a big Star Wars fan? You’re not a big Star Wars fan. This is a big Star Wars fan:

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