10 things you need to know this morning in Australia

Nun chainsaw hurricane irmaHello boys. Picture: Miami-Dade Police Department/Facebook

Hello world.

1. Xero to hero. This week, Kiwi accounting firm Xero is hosting 3000 customers at its annual event, XeroCon, in Melbourne. It’s been 10 years since its IPO, when you could buy stock for $1 and the boardroom needed some work:

Hanging up a sign in the apartment where Xero started in 2006. Photo: (NZ Museum of Transport and Technology)

Now, its share price is at $27, and revenue is hitting $NZ290 million, up 44% on the previous year. It’s an epic story of scraping for wifi, detractors lining up, nu metal bands and washing your own coffee cup. And Tony Yoo has got it all down here, in the ultimate tale of how a couple of Kiwis changed accounting for a million companies.

2. And here’s why Xero CEO Rod Drury makes no apologies for burning through $400 million of investor cash and not yet turning a profit.

3. In other tech CEO news, your day is not complete until you’ve seen Jack Ma’s Michael Jackson tribute at this year’s Alibaba Annual Party in Hangzhou. Warning – contains at least 15 seconds of pelvic thrusting by a 53-year-old former schoolteacher.

4. The US dollar is on the move again, gaining against all major currencies overnight and pushing the Aussie back below US80 cents ahead of Australia‚Äôs August jobs report today. Economists expect another solid increase in employment – here’s your 10-second guide to the drop at 11.30am AEST. Global stocks are also on a record run, with the S&P500 leading the way and leading SocGen to warn about the perils of low volatility. But the ASX200 is fighting technical resistance.

5. For a couple of hundred million more, Xero investors could have bought this:

Not Conor McGregor. The boat – Sailing Yacht A. It hove into Ibiza while the loser of the world’s biggest fight was hanging out with his family and friends. McGregor got loads of pics of the world’s most decadent toy, and some ideas about how much richer he’d suddenly like to be.

6. Everybody’s talking about the iPhone X. Specifically, about the $1800+ price tag on the iPhone X and that myth about how technology is supposed to get cheaper. But even though he pretty much only got to hold it for 5 minutes, here’s Steve Kovach on why he immediately decided it was worth the money, starting with that gorgeous Samsung screen. Here’s some footage of him flicking through a few screens. And here’s Ben Gilbert telling you how you could buy four iPhone SEs for that price – and your life will still be exactly as fulfilling.

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7. There’s never been a worse time to be a clown. Things started going downhill for clowns last year when kids pretended to be killers in clown outfits for the YouTube hits. Unfortunately for Boppo, Ziggy, Giggles and co, the new film adaptation of Stephen King’s It is at least as good as the last one, and Pennywise is murdering kids in their dreams again. NYC clown Nelson says he had “six cancellations” of kids parties just last week:

8. One of our greatest space heroes is within 24 hours of dying. Tomorrow, at 5.56am, NASA’s $US3.36 billion Saturn explorer Cassini will take its last picture before turning and heading straight for the famously ringed planet and its fiery finale. That will take 14 hours, during which time it will hold itself upright and transmit all its remaining data to Canberra’s Deep Space network. Here’s how you can watch the end of its extraordinary journey, live.

9. Bitcoin tanked another 10% or so on yesterday’s “fraud” comments from JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon. DoubleLine Capital founder Jeff Gundlach weighed in today, saying he’ll “let this mania go on without me”. But the Bitcoin community is firing back with some solid appraisals of Dimon’s ability to “look over the hill”.

10. Former Citi CEO Vikram Pandit says robots and AI could take 30% of banking jobs within the next five years. At two Japanese hotels, human staff have already been replaced with mechanical dinosaurs at the front desk, and robot porters. Even the fish in the tank are bots.

BONUS ITEM: Love is… nuns who are handy with chainsaws:

Have a great day.

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