10 Things Jimmy Kimmel May Regret Saying At ABC's Upfronts

Jimmy Kimmel

Every year around this time, the broadcast networks hold events called “upfronts” where they gather all the media buyers from the agencies in one room and pitch them on next year’s season. Lots of times, the networks will bring in their on-air talent to keep things lively. Sitcom stars will do a skit. A new anchor will talk about the markets. It brings a controlled excitement to a room full of suits.

In a monologue at ABC’s upfront yesterday, late night host Jimmy Kimmel might have been a little less controlled.

The New York Times called his monologue a “Jerry Maguire-like moment of clarity,” writing “If Jimmy Kimmel still has a job at ABC on Wednesday, he is either a very lucky or very deft comedian.”

Here are 10 things Jimmy might be spending this morning regretting he said:

  • “Everything you’re going to hear this week is” nonsense.
  •  “All of ABC’s late night comedy talent is assembled here on one stage.”
  •  “Let’s get real here. Let’s get Dr. Phil-real here. These new fall shows? We’re going to cancel about 90 per cent of them. Maybe more.”
  • “Every year we lie to you and every year you come back for more. You don’t need an upfront. You need therapy. We completely lie to you, and then you pass those lies onto your clients.”
  • NBC is “giving Jay’s viewers exactly what they want. An early-bird special.”
  • NBC’s early upfront, in April, means “they’ve already had time to cancel half their schedule.”
  • On Fox’s action drama 24 next season, Jack Baur will have a sidekick “played by Kiefer Sutherland’s probation officer.”
  • “Next year on ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ your product could kill Dr. Izzie. It just depends on how much you want to pay.”
  • “I think all our shows are going to work this year. I really do. I don’t, really.”
  • “The important thing to remember is: who cares, it’s not your money.”

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