10 Hilarious Corporate Songs Commissioned By Drug Companies

Somewhere around 2008, Pfizer (PFE) apparently commissioned a corporate song, “Excel and Exceed,” which was quickly removed from the Internet because everyone laughed at it.

Today, the battle hymn of pharmaceutical excellence resurfaced on the Pharmagossip blog as a remixed video “commemorating” former CEO Jeff Kindler‘s many “achievements.”

The video isn’t unique, however.

1. Pfizer: “Excel and Exceed”

Sample lyric:

We have come so far on the road to success.

On a journey to the top, together we progress.

As we reinvent the future, the rewards we will reap.

With our feet firmly on the ground our minds take the quantum leeeeeeeee-aaap!

2. Sepracor — “Liberating The Power of Pure Medicine”

This “launch film” was from 1998 was not a song as such although it did contain a specially commissioned piece of 1980s hair metal. The script somehow linked the new drug company — now renamed Sunovion – to pioneering aviator and suspected Nazi sympathizer Charles Lindbergh.

3. Sepracor — “Star Wars Parody”

The company tried again a few years later, this time with a sense of humour. It begins, “A long time ago … far, far away … A brave young band of sales men and women came together to liberate the single isomer generation of beta-agonist therapy.” Then comes the corporate funk, followed by the corporate hair metal.

4. Agilent — “Reach That Peak”

The advent of YouTube subjected corporate pharma music to the harsh light of public criticism. The logical strategy would be to abandon the music side of the business and concentrate on drug development, but that’s not how Big Pharma rolls. Companies developed a sense of humour to inoculate themselves against the haters. Agilent produced a pastiche of a Barry White song for its employees.

Sample lyric:

Today we’re going to talk about chemistry. I’m not talking about just any chemistry. No, no. I’m talking about the quantitation of pharmaceutical compounds … yeah girl, you know what I’m talking about.

5. Roche xCELLigence — “Rock Ballad”

It’s not clear whether these videos were approved by management or created by an over-enthusiastic employee, but if you like jokes about laboratory supplies you’ll love them both.

Sample lyric:

Little cells resting on your plates
Tell me how you feel down there inside

6. Roche xCELLigence — “Monitor Cells with Impedence!”

The YouTube notes indicate they were originally videos made by the band Steel Panther, onto which new lyrics have been grafted.

7. Eppendorf — “It’s Called Epmotion”

Eppendorf has a whole mini-site dedicate to its R&B boy band epic about the automation of cell growth. You can watch a behind-the-scenes gallery of the making of the video, or even download the song as a ringtone on your phone.

Sample lyric:

Pipetting all those well-plates, baby, sends your thumbs into overdrive.
And spending long nights in the lab makes it hard for your love to thrive.



8. Bio Rad — “The PCR Song”

Bio Rad are the acknowledged kings of pharma-pop. They first broke onto the scene with their “We Are the World” parody promoting DNA identification.

Sample lyric:

PCR, when you need to find out who the daddy is.

PCR when you need to solve the crime. 

9. Bio Rad — “Enzyme”

But then they upped the ante with a cover of Village People’s “YMCA,” restyled as “Enzyme.”


Enzyme — what you doing today?
I said, Enzyme — want to make DNA?

10. Novartis — “The Science of Life”

Surely somewhere, someone has a copy of Novartis’ (NVS) “The Science of Life,” which those who have heard it describe as “hilariously awful.” (Please email me if you have one). In the meantime, enjoy “Biocamp 2010.” Again, this is not a music video as such but it does feature a cocktail-lounge groove commissioned by the company.

This post originally appeared at BNET.

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