Jargon can be a way for those in-the-know to include or exclude others in business.
Whether you love buzzwords or hate them, it’s important to learn them. Here’s a guide to the new lingo that you need to communicate in our ever-changing world.
This post originally appeared on Entrepreneur and is reprinted here with permission.
Definition: To quit in a spectacular fashion. See also: Steven Slater and JetBlue.
Usage: On bad days, Chuck would steal coffee creamer from the office kitchenette and fantasize about hitting the slide. On really bad days, the plan involved burning fish and cauliflower in the microwave, pulling the fire alarm and streaking out past the vice president's office.
Definition: Singer and actress J. Lo has been subject to both criticism and praise, but in investment circles, there's far more of the latter. Her, er, assets inspired the investment industry slang Jennifer Lopez, which describes the highly desirable rounding bottom of a stock's price on its way up.
Usage: 'I wouldn't mind seeing a little more Jennifer Lopez on the NASDAQ.'
Definition: The slobber-inducing dog snacks from the Scooby Doo cartoon have been slang for pretty much anything craveable. In these recessionary times, though, the term refers to the cheap tokens employers toss out as 'incentives.'
Usage: Alan thought his 80-hour workweeks would get him a bonus. Instead, he got Scooby Snacks -- two tickets to the charity hockey game and an ergonomic chair, ganked from the manager on maternity leave.
Definition: Satisfaction derived from the misfortune of bald or balding individuals. This bald-schadenfreude mashup was coined by New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd to describe the delight over the woes of NBC president Jeff Zucker.
Usage: 'As NBC reeled from the fallout of Jeff Zucker's tacit admission that his attempt to refashion the customary way Americans watch prime time had failed, Hollywood was ablaze with baldenfreude.'
Definition: An abbreviation for 'entrepreneur' that, for reasons obvious, has mainly been embraced by slang-obsessed teenagers and Netspeak devotees.
Usage: After the VCs kicked Mr. Sands and his ill-fitting suit to the curb, he downed a few beers at a bar and took the mic: 'The first step/to becomin' a 'trep/is to find the funding./ Or you'll be left wonderin'/why you wasted all this time/on a dream with no rhyme or reason,' he freestyled, poorly.
Definition: The idea that any brand's image -- and resulting success -- is achieved more effectively through the osmosis of pervasive blog buzz and tweet-trending than traditional marketing methods.
Usage: Robbie wished, not for the first time, that osmosis marketing hadn't worked so spectacularly for Justin Bieber's empire.
Definition: A business that makes just enough money to cover basic living expenses, such as toilet paper, running water and instant ramen.
Usage: 'Of course we're profitable,' Marc snapped. Lydia took in the unwashed plastic utensils and stained papers on the scuffed table that doubled as his office. 'Yeah,' she agreed, 'ramen profitable.'
Definition: Someone who smells opportunity in the medical marijuana industry.
Usage: About 25,000 ganjapreneurs and their customers attended the inaugural THC Expo in downtown Los Angeles last summer.
Definition: The current recession, which has hurt men more than women.
Usage: In the Great Mancession of '09, 80 per cent of jobs lost were held by men, and unemployment rates neared postwar records. No change in percentage of household chores completed.
Definition: The ever-expanding group of workers using wireless technology to eliminate the need for an office.
Usage: Scoreboard for 2009: Cyber Luddites 1.0; Digital Nomads 1.0 × 10 100
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