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Man Posts Online Ad Offering Himself Up As The Worst Date Ever

Craigslist AdCraigslist

If you’re desperate to bring a date home this Thanksgiving, we may have an answer for you.

This man put an ad up on Craigslist advertising himself as what we can only describe as the absolute worst Thanksgiving date ever.

Here’s what he writes:

It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:
openly hit on other female guests while you act like you dont notice.

start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion.

propose to you in front of everyone.

pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i dont drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbours to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

[h/t The Daily Dot]

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