Whether you’re introducing yourself to someone at work or you’re meeting a possible client over coffee, what you say when you first meet someone new is so important because those opening words leave a lasting impression.
“Words, poorly and unconsciously chosen, can indeed hurt not only first impressions, but also your credibility, relationships, and opportunities for career advancement,” says Darlene Price, president of Well Said, Inc., and author of “Well Said! Presentations and Conversations That Get Results.“
Price explains that when you’re nervous, you may speak without thinking, much faster than usual, and say more than is necessary.
While we’ve all likely experienced foot-in-mouth syndrome at one time or another, keeping these talking points in mind the next time you meet someone new can help you avoid saying the wrong thing:
'I hate this company,' or 'My boss is a jerk.'
Nothing tanks a first impression faster than negativity, Price says. Even when what you say is true, it's best left unsaid in a social or business setting, especially when you're putting your best foot forward in a first-time meeting.
If you have a genuine complaint about someone or something, communicate the issue with the person who can do something about it, such as human resources -- not your new contact.
'How much do you make?'
The amount of money a person earns is a very personal matter. 'It's considered rude to ask, and unconscionable on a first encounter,' she explains. 'If you're really that curious, or it's important that you know, instead of committing this faux pas, do some research on sites like Glassdoor, PayScale, Salary.com.
'I'm sorry to be a bother.'
Why are you saying you're a bother? As Barbara Pachter, an etiquette expert and author of 'The Essentials of Business Etiquette,' previously told Business Insider, if you are truly sorry about something you haven't done yet, why would you go ahead and do it anyway? When introducing yourself, 'Excuse me. Do you have a moment?' works much better, she says.
'Who are you voting for?'
As a general rule of etiquette, don't bring up politics -- particularly around election time.
'While you may feel strongly about your political party, candidate, or key issues, avoid campaigning at work,' Price says. 'If, however, the person or group with whom you're conversing launches into the topic, stick to the facts. Stay away from anything emotionally charged, controversial, too personal, opinionated, or judgmental.' Instead, discuss the candidate's stance, what was said in the debate, and the latest headlines.
'Do you believe in God?'
It may seem obvious to avoid this topic, but it happens. 'Regardless of whether you're a person of faith or not, the first time you meet someone professionally is not the time to ask about their religious persuasion, unless perhaps you're a member of clergy,' Price explains.
'It doesn't matter, and it's no one's business other than yours and your partner's,' Price says. Discussing sexual orientation can also make some people uncomfortable, she says, and it may even border on sexual harassment.
'When is your baby due?'
If you imply a woman is pregnant when she isn't, there is no recovery. It's a colossal insult.
'Besides, this observation (whether true or false) is too personal to mention for a first time meeting,' Price says. 'Unless the woman brings it up, stick with professional topics that relate to your industry or business function.'
Stating concerns and working to solve them is fine, but saying something is impossible is negative and shows a lack of conviction.
If comments and questions don't reflect a positive, can-do, and confident demeanour, it's best to avoid them, Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of 'Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behaviour and Thrive in Your Job,' previously told Business Insider.
'Did you hear ... ?'
Spreading gossip will make you look worse than the person you're talking about, Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, etiquette and civility expert and author of 'Don't Burp in the Boardroom,' previously told Business Insider. 'And guess who will be the one who looks bad when it gets back to the person you're talking about?'
'I love your dress.'
'Avoid commenting on a person's personal appearance or belongings -- even if it's positive -- when you first meet them,' Price suggests. 'It's too personal and out of place. Even after you get to know them, be careful what you say and why.'
Because of varying power relationships and pecking order in the workplace, it's often the safest bet to avoid physical comments altogether unless you're certain how they will be perceived. 'Instead, give sincere work-related praise such as, 'I really enjoyed your presentation.' Or, 'Congratulations on exceeding your sales quota.' Or, 'Your project management skills are a huge asset to this team.''
'I'm getting a divorce.'
If you're going through something difficult, it may be tempting to share with your new colleague or client -- but it's entirely inappropriate, Price says.
'Avoid mentioning personal adversity when you first meet someone, or in general business discussions,' she suggests. Talking about your troubles gives people a reason to doubt your ability.
'I think ...'
Saying 'I think' is sometimes acceptable, but only if you truly are unsure.
'Using 'I think' can make you appear wishy-washy,' Pachter says. When you know something, state it directly: 'The meeting will be at 3 p.m.'
'You look different than you sound over the phone.'
Don't begin a conversation by implying you're surprised, disappointed, or puzzled by that fact that the person did not meet up to your predisposed expectations, Price says.
'I ...I ...I ...'
Self-absorption should be avoided in any first conversation, Price says.
'Dorothy Sarnoff reminds us that, 'I is the smallest letter in the alphabet, so don't make it the largest word in your vocabulary.' No one is impressed when a person dominates a conversation or talks too much about him or herself, especially the first time you meet someone,' she explains.
To avoid an I-centric conversation, show sincere interest in others by asking appropriate questions and actively listening. 'How did you get into accounting?' 'What brought you to Atlanta?' 'What do you believe are the key challenges in our industry?' Price suggests.
'We all stand to improve our ability to craft a positive first impression, particularly in the words we say,' she explains. 'If Emily Post is right, the most effective remedy is to focus on the best interests of the other person because, 'nearly all the faults of conversation are caused by a lack of consideration.''